Before Sunrise Page 13

  “Your little girl wants to see you,” Vasquez said quietly. “Go talk to her.”

  Liam didn’t move. Not a muscle.

  “Bro, go talk to your little girl. First room on the left.”

  “Yeah, I’ll do that,” said Liam, and thrust himself away.

  Phil released a tightly held breath. With clenched fists, he turned and watched Liam go. When Liam passed his best friend, he saw Vasquez’s true intent.

  “Kennedy’s room is at the end of the hall, brother.”

  Liam swallowed and nodded.

  He felt his anger drain away as he took each stair toward his daughter’s room. Facing Kennedy he could handle. He knew it would be hard to work through the disappointment and feelings of rejection he carried over her remarrying. But facing his child, whom he’d just scared to the point of tears, was something no training camp could have prepared him for. What if he said the wrong thing? What if he’d caused her trauma, and she wanted nothing to do with him?

  He stood in the hallway, his heart filled with what-if’s. The door opened suddenly. Mackenzie looked up at him. She seemed smaller, more fragile than he’d expected. How had she known he stood outside her door?

  “Hi.” Liam heard his own voice as though it were far off, elsewhere.

  “Hi.” She extended her hand.

  Liam took her hand and allowed her to lead him into a little girl’s paradise. Mackenzie let go of his hand walked over to the fish bowl. “This is my fish. I named him Fishie.”

  Liam followed her to the nightstand. A spotted white goldfish circled the gentle waves of a small fishbowl with a bed of blue crystals at the bottom. “You named him Fishie?”

  “Yes,” Mackenzie said proudly.

  “Well, I think that’s a good name, Mac. Really good.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  Liam frowned. “No.”

  “Mommy. You’re mad at my mommy. You made her cry.”

  Liam swallowed his guilt. He used the cane to balance as he knelt to her level, with his bad leg extended out. “I am so very sorry for that. I didn’t want to make her cry, but you’re right. I did. I will apologize to her, but first I want to apologize to you.”

  “I thought she’d be happy, that we’d be happy if you came. But she isn’t.”

  “Hey…that’s my fault. I want to know if you can give me a second chance. Do you know what that means?”

  “Start over?”

  “Yes. Let’s start over. I really want to be here. To see you.” He touched her face. “To meet Fishie.”

  Mackenzie smiled. She surprised him by coming into his arms and locking hers around his neck. He could feel her little heartbeat racing against his chest. It cleared his mind of thoughts of blame, and made his eyes tear. When he searched her room, trying to drink in more knowledge of her life, his gaze landed on the picture next to Fishie’s bowl. It was the picture he’d e-mailed Kennedy while Mackenzie was still a little ball of baby in her belly. Liam held his daughter tight to him, staring at the man in that picture. He’d been miserable that day, hot and hungry, tired of every grain of sand that swirled itself into every human crevice it could find. Above all he’d been lonely. Would he ever again be as happy as he was in the life he had before that photo?

  “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.” Mackenzie kissed his cheek.

  Liam dropped his head to her small shoulder and cried. He didn’t mean to, but she freed him of so much pain in that moment, it was the only response his body knew. “Thank you, Mac. Thank you.”

  For fully a minute, Liam held her, not knowing how to let go. Then, swallowing his tears, he sniffled and wiped his eyes against her shoulder. He released her and smiled. “I think I should go and apologize to Mommy now.”

  “Okay. Then we can color?” She turned and went to her bookshelf, pulling out a few books. “See? Hello Kitty coloring book.”

  Liam nodded. He had no idea who Kitty was but he wanted to spend the rest of the night on the floor with her, coloring. He forced himself to rise and sidle through the door. “Can you stay in here until I come back?” he asked.

  “Okay, daddy-from-heaven.” She sat on the floor and reached for her box of crayons. Liam stared at her a moment longer, then shut the door.

  Kennedy paced. She hugged herself, shaking her head furiously. “What am I going to do? What have I done? Oh God, what have I done? He hates me, I hate myself. But…but…but he’s alive, it’s a miracle he’s alive!” She laughed through her tears. Madness or not, her Liam was back. How many times had she’d been told it wouldn’t happen. That it couldn’t happen. And now her dreams had come true. Kennedy looked down to her hands. The tremors were back. She’d experienced them the first year after Liam died—didn’t die!—whenever anxiety, grief, and emotion overwhelmed her. She clenched her fist and felt her entire body shudder. “Calm down, calm down,” she repeated, like a mantra.

  Where had he been? For five long years she fought against believing this truth, and now he was here? What could have happened to him? Kennedy recalled the way he favored his left leg, leaning more than walking with his cane. She felt her head swim and her stomach churn. Her hands went to her mouth. A violent wave of nausea wound through her like a ribbon. She held her breath, staring at the door. Flashes of Liam’s torture, torment, and lonely days with no hope washed over her as her mind connected the dots of what his life must have been.

  She inhaled then exhaled tentatively; Kennedy put her hand to her brow. The nausea passed. She tried to make her head clear. She had to think this through. First thing she’d to do would be to make sure Liam was okay. That he was healthy. He would need somewhere to stay; he probably needed her to care for him. She ached to do so. But how could she? Then there was Phil.

  Oh Lord. Phil. What am I to say to Phil? The truth? Tell the man she’d vowed to love, honor, and obey that he’d been nothing but a stand-in. How could she explain to Phil that her dreams had been answered? She wanted to shout her happiness to the world. What would he think of her if she told him the truth? Liam was what she wanted now, today, tomorrow, forever.

  In her peripheral vision, she saw the rumpled sheets covering her bed. Flashes of the night before, of making love with Phil, returned. Phil didn’t know Liam was alive. How could he know? But he worked with them, had special access to information. To the chain of command. She stepped back, feeling faint again. Did Phil know?

  “No. He wouldn’t keep something like this from me. No.”

  Was it possible to feel your blood pressure rise? Kennedy wondered as she grew weak and disillusioned. To think that they all kept Liam’s rescue from her and the truth cut her deep. So she settled on the facts, tried her best to think of it like one of her cases, take the emotion out of it. Liam had returned and he knew she’d remarried. He would never be able to forgive that, forgive her. There was nothing she could do to make him understand.

  The door opened behind her. Kennedy didn’t have to turn to know who stepped in. Closing her eyes, she sucked down a deep breath and slowly faced him. Once again she resisted the urge to explode into a fit of hysterical laughter and sobs. Liam walked inside. It’s him. It’s really him. The look he gave her broke her heart. He closed the door and fumbled to lock it. He stared at her without a word. Kennedy broke the standoff. She rushed back into his arms. And thankfully, he accepted her return to him willingly.

  He smelled like her Liam. Clean male skin, spice, a mix of soap and aftershave. He felt like Liam, too. He had a way of lifting her into his embrace that left her standing on her toes. God help her, but to be in his arms was all she’d wanted, night and day. She would need to hold him for some time to believe he was real.

  She pressed her face to his to feel the warmth of his jaw. He’d returned to her alive. Miracles did happen.

  “What did they do to you? Liam, how did this happen?”

  “We can talk about that later,” he whispered. His voice sounded dry. “I need you to pack some things for you and Mac. We’re leaving.�
�

  Kennedy slowly let him go. Face to face, she saw his resolve. The old Liam, once his mind was made up, couldn’t be swayed. This man before her looked even more resolute.

  “Now,” he said.

  “We have to talk.”

  “Talk?”

  “Liam, stop. Don’t yell at me.”

  “Fuck it.” He let her go, his lips curled in anger. “I’ll pack for you.”

  To Kennedy’s stunned silence, he limped over to the closet and ripped it open. She saw how he paled at the sight of her clothes lined up next to Phil’s.

  “Liam, let me explain.”

  He grabbed her suitcase and dragged it out and brought it to the bed. One look at the rumpled sheets, the nightgown balled on the floor, and he froze. He just stood there, staring at the evidence of her marriage. She felt sick. Ashamed. And angry, but she wasn’t quite sure at whom. Maybe she was angry at him for taking five years to come for them. Maybe she mourned the time wasted, all the tears, and now he wouldn’t even talk to her. He just barked at her and accused her with eyes that used to look at her with love.

  “You have to let me explain—”

  Without warning, he turned and flung the suitcase at the bed. It hit the headboard with a muffled thud and dropped to the mattress. Kennedy stepped back until she bumped the dresser.

  “How long before you replaced me, Kay? That’s what I want to know.”

  “I thought you were dead.”

  “Answer me, dammit.”

  “It wasn’t like that. You know I could never replace you.”

  Liam turned on her. She’d never seen him actually cry. In all the years she knew him, she never saw tears. She had broken his heart, and for Liam this betrayal would be unforgivable. She swore on their wedding night that she would be his forever. She’d meant it. God help her, she’d meant it and she still did. Nothing she did with Phil could replace the bond she had with Liam. But how could she explain that to a man like him, whose faith, once shaken, was impossible to restore? How would she feel if she were in his shoes? What if he’d found some other woman to be a mother to Mackenzie and warm his bed? Her legs turned to jelly; her stomach churned. It became a physical pain. She felt her neck and face grow hot with shame. If she unraveled now, how would she ever get past the wall erected between them? How would she ever reach him?

  “Forgive me,” she mouthed to him. “Please, Liam. Just stop for a minute and listen to me.”

  “Forgive you? For what? Huh? For fucking a man that I warned you was not to be trusted? For marrying him, giving away everything that was special between you and me? Forgive you for not believing in me when I said that even the war couldn’t keep me from you? Is that it? Or should I forgive you for having my daughter call him father. Forgive you for breaking every fucking vow we ever made?”

  “No. Forgive me f-for not being perfect.” She wept. She shook her head. “Forgive me for wanting anyone, anything to stop it from hurting so bad. For wanting someone to keep me from wishing to be dead. She needed me, Liam. Your daughter. I held on to my sanity the only way I could.” Through her tears, she sputtered out her pain. “God knows I love you, Liam, but you can’t do this to me. It’s not fair. You can’t possibly think I would choose any of this over what we shared. You’re my first love, my only love. You have no idea what I’ve been through, how much I wanted to die to just be with you.”

  “Then pack your things and come with me. Now. Prove it.”

  “And go where?” She tried to get her bearings, to gather her thoughts and do what was best for all of them. But her crime went far beyond what he knew. She’d been trying to get pregnant. They’d tried last night. For all she knew, she was already pregnant. What would he say then? He could barely even look at her now.

  His silence sucked all the air from the room. She felt as if the walls were caving in all around her. She forced strength to her heart and swallowed the ball of pain lodged in her throat. She lifted her gaze to find Liam impossibly close. He touched her, her hip, her waist. He placed his hand to the side of her face and kept it there. He looked into her eyes.

  In that moment, she saw so much suffering that her hands went to his waist to hold on to him. He began to speak slowly.

  “I survived because I always knew you would be waiting for me.” His voice trembled with the effort to remain calm. “I don’t want to hurt you, Kay, but this is killing me. I want you to choose me now. I need it, Kay. I’ve gone through too much shit. I need this. Do you understand?”

  “Yes. I understand.”

  “I need you, Kay.” He kissed her tears, her closed eyelids, then her lips. “Before sunrise, remember? Tell me you remember. You and Mackenzie are all I have. All I want.”

  “Yes. I remember, and I love you so much. I’ve missed you so much. It’s a miracle, Liam, this is a dream come true for Mackenzie and me. Welcome home, baby.”

  Kennedy kissed him. With the swirl of their tongues she felt them begin to heal. It was a start. Liam dropped his cane and grabbed her by both sides of her face and kissed her with such urgency she couldn’t breathe. Finally, it ended. If it hadn’t, the kiss would have consumed them both. He ran his hands down her face, neck, arms.

  “I want my family back. Now let’s go.”

  “Time, Liam. I just need a few days to…to correct so many mistakes. I can’t go with you right now. I can’t take Mac and just walk out in the middle of the night. To where? Think of what you’re asking. Phil’s a victim, too.”

  “What did you just say to me?” Liam stepped back.

  “I have to fix it. He deserves answers, some respect. Look at what I’ve done. I married him. I’ve got to fix that first. I think. Yes. Just…please. Please trust me and let me fix this. I love you.”

  “This is bullshit!” He stooped and picked up his cane and hopped furiously to the door, and through it.

  “Liam, please!”

  The reality of him walking out hit Kennedy full force. She raced down the hall, down the stairs, all in an effort to catch him. He had already reached the door. “Liam! Liam, I need a little time. This isn’t about me not choosing you. You have to trust me.”

  Liam stopped. She saw Phil looking at her with concern, but she couldn’t process Phil yet. She had to focus on Liam. Liam was her priority. Why couldn’t he believe her? His head slowly turned. He glared at her from over his shoulder, a look that chilled her to the bone then turned the knife in her heart. “You would consider staying with that man over our love? Seems to me, Kay, you’ve made your choice. You aren’t the woman I knew.”

  “Liam! Don’t say that to me!” she rushed to the door and stopped when Liam stepped through it.

  Vasquez put his arms around her. Kennedy closed her eyes and willed Liam to return and take those words back. He might as well have struck her, it hurt so badly. Of course he didn’t. How could she be happy and destroyed all in the same moment? How could two opposite emotions exist in one heart? She felt like she was dying.

  Vasquez hugged her tighter. “Listen to me. He’s hurt and confused. But you know he loves you.”

  “He won’t forgive me, I know him.”

  “Hey?” Vasquez took her shoulders and made her look him in the eye. “He loves you. And you love him. He’ll stay with me and Angie, and you work this out with Phil. Okay?”

  Kennedy nodded. But the urge to run upstairs, grab her child, and flee with Liam burned in her gut. Without even a look back to Phil, she climbed the stairs in a daze and returned to her room. As though on autopilot, she went to the window, wanting to see him. She pulled back the drapes. Liam waited near the passenger side of the SUV. Vasquez arrived and released the security system. When Liam opened the door, his eyes went up to lock with hers. Kennedy stared down at him with regret. He gave her a weak smile and her heart skipped a beat. Kennedy put two fingers to her lips and then pressed her kiss for him to the glass. Liam stared at her for a moment, and at first she believed he saw and felt nothing. Then he winked and got in the car. Kenn
edy watched until they drove off.

  “Kennedy?” Phil said.

  “Not now. Can you just go check on Mackenzie? Give me a moment.”

  “We’ll figure this out, sweetheart.”

  Kennedy closed her eyes and didn’t turn to acknowledge him. She didn’t know much, but if she and Liam could get past all this hurt, she’d return to him in a heartbeat and never let him slip from her again.

  ***

  Liam fit his back against the curved seat. “I fucked up, didn’t I, man?”

  “I told you to play it cool.”

  Liam gave a bitter chuckle. “I swear, man, I wanted to grab her and throw her over my shoulder. I should have dragged her out of there.”

  “And played into his hands. Yeah, that would have been smart,” Vasquez mumbled.

  Liam pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t begin to understand how much restraint I used.”

  “I’m about to tell you something you don’t want to hear, bro, but I got to say it.”

  Liam remembered Alexa’s warning in that instant. He was so caught up in his own emotions he didn’t even consider the safety of his family. “Fuck. I forgot! Turn around.”

  “Huh?”

  “Take me back. I heard you and Alexa last night. I need to make sure they’re okay.”

  “We’re protecting them, Liam.”

  “You have no idea what Sarkhir is capable of.”

  “We got it under control. The house is under protective order. Trust me.”

  Liam sucked in a tight breath.

  “Besides, that’s not what I was going to say,” sighed Vasquez.

  “Okay.”

  “What I wanted to say is that…well, I think you need to see someone.”

  “I don’t need a fucking shrink. I need my wife.”

  “You’ll have her. Did you see the way she responded to you? She’s just confused. She thinks she betrayed you. The thing is, you went for her jugular first. You wasted your reunion on screaming accusations. Hurting her. Now I know we can be jackasses, it’s part of our training, but the Liam I knew would have never done to Kennedy what I saw you do in there. You used her guilt against her, and I gotta say it, man, it looks like you did it on purpose. Like you planned it that way.”