Before Sunrise Read online

  Liam cut his eyes to the window. What could he say? That he resented Kennedy, blamed her in some way? The trust they shared had gone. Once, she’d made him believe in them. Now he believed in nothing. He shook his head. He was right back to where he started, before she ever bounced up to him on a beach and gave him her heart.

  “I don’t get it. How she could possibly be with another man, and if it is possible, why that man? Maybe I wanted to hurt her, but I swear, if she had corrected that shit and just come with me, I’d forgive anything. I swear it. For me, there is no confusion. Either she loves me or she doesn’t. How could she stay under the same roof with him knowing I’m alive? How?”

  “It’s not him, Liam. She has Mac to think about. You gave her no warning. She needs a minute for it to sink in. If we had done it the way I suggested and had her come to you instead of this, it might have worked out differently.”

  “I need you to take me to the Marriott. I’ll get the clothes we brought for me and then I want to check in.”

  Vasquez looked over at him, confused. “What? Why? You can stay with us.”

  “I need to have a place for me. I want to get to know my kid. That’s what I’ll focus on. I need a place to bring her until I get my life back on track. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah, bro, it makes sense. Perfect sense, but I have a better idea. I’ll get a house issued to you. We have a couple on base that are empty.”

  “That’ll take time. I need a place now. Drop me off at the Marriott.”

  ***

  Phil returned. Kennedy could sense his approach. In the dark, silent room she sat on the bed with her face in her hands. She couldn’t even bring herself to check on her daughter. The moment Tony had pulled out of the driveway, she’d longed to see Liam’s face, to hear his voice again, even if it was only anger between them. For five years, she’d dreamed of their reunion, thought it would only happen in Heaven, and now, she’d sent him away?

  “Here, sweetheart. Drink this.”

  Kennedy accepted the wine gratefully. Her throat was soothed by the cool liquid. She looked up at Phil, who stared at her expectantly.

  “Thank you.” She passed him the glass.

  He nodded. “Are you okay?”

  “I have a question.” She rose awkwardly.

  “Anything, love.”

  “Did you know?” Kennedy turned and faced him. “Did you know he was alive?”

  “Of course not.”

  “Don’t lie to me on this, Phil. Don’t.”

  “I swear it on our baby’s life I didn’t know.”

  Kennedy cut her eyes away. The mention of a baby rendered her speechless. She didn’t know if he meant Mackenzie, or…it wasn’t possible.

  “I don’t know where he’s been, but it wasn’t reported to any of us. I was just as surprised as you. I know this must be confusing.”

  “He’s my husband.”

  “Not legally. According to the law, he’s dead.”

  Kennedy gave a bitter laugh. “Well, he can easily disprove that.”

  “What I’m saying is that we can contest this. That we have options.”

  “I don’t want to contest it.” She walked away, keeping distance between them.

  “Kennedy, hear me out. I know you loved him and it’s not a love you can easily forget.”

  Kennedy hugged herself, keeping her gaze trained on her bare feet. “Do you think he’s okay?”

  “I know you are confused—”

  “Maybe I should call him to make sure?”

  “You did the right thing in sending him away.”

  “I’ll call him and talk it over. Maybe he can listen to me now—”

  “Kennedy?”

  She lifted her head and when she looked at the man she’d called husband for almost a year, she felt nothing. It was horrible, but Angelina had been right. Her sister Harper had been right. Phil was no more than a placeholder in her heart. She had used him. What kind of terrible person did that make her?

  “I still love him,” she confessed.

  “Of course you do. That doesn’t mean that our love is a lie. That what we built is a lie.”

  “Yes it does,” she said sadly.

  “No. It does not. You and I fell in love. This thing between us didn’t come from nowhere. It came from friendship, from respect. We fell in love.”

  “You were there for me,” she admitted.

  “I was. For it all. From the first day until today. I was. I was here through your depression and I held Mackenzie while you cried yourself to sleep for the first year of her life. Remember? I listened when you mourned him the second year. I helped you fight against your anger over your loss the third year and then you healed. Remember honey? Remember the night you told me that you loved me too?” he asked, walking to her.

  Kennedy began to cry again. “Don’t push me. Don’t do this.”

  “I’m not pushing. I’m pleading my case. You have to work out what’s best for you and Mac. He’s been gone and tortured for years, and of course you feel guilty. I understand that. But you saw his reaction. You saw him. The man has anger issues, Kay. Do you trust him with Mac?”

  “What? He would never hurt her. Don’t go there.” She went around him, again to put distance between them. She felt such guilt when he stood near her. But Phil would not be denied. He grabbed her arm.

  “Promise me this. Promise me you will give our marriage and commitment serious consideration before you make any decisions.”

  “I love him. Phil, you know me, look at us. It’s Liam. Let’s not pretend that he hasn’t been between us from the beginning. I’m in love with him. I have been since I was barely seventeen. I should have never brought you into this. You were a kind, generous man, and I took advantage of your feelings for me.”

  “That’s bullshit. This wasn’t some pity arrangement. This was a marriage in every way. I don’t feel slighted. The problem is you feel guilt and you’re confusing it with some puppy love. People change. They outgrow each other—”

  “No.”

  “Yes! You can’t see past what he’s been through. I’m sorry for what happened to him. I’m sorry that things worked out this way. But that doesn’t invalidate our feelings. What we share.”

  “I think it does.”

  “And if you’re carrying my baby? Then I guess my kid is a mistake, too?”

  His words were sharp slap across her face. God couldn’t be this cruel. She and Liam didn’t deserve this kind of cruelty. If she were carrying Phil’s child she would lose Liam all over again. He’d never take her back. Silently, she prayed for one more miracle. Phil read meaning into her silence. The look of pain on his face cut her to her core. “I’m not pregnant.”

  “You don’t know that. How will Liam react?”

  “This is a mess. I’ve made such a mess of things.”

  “No you didn’t. You loved him, and now you love me,” Phil said with forced confidence.

  Kennedy lifted her eyes to his. Aside from her father, she’d only ever loved one man: the man she’d let walk out of the door.

  ***

  Despite the curtains in the front room, both Vasquez and Liam could see Angelina’s shadow pace back and forth in the front window to the Vasquez home. When Liam stepped through the door, she stopped, eyes wide and expectant.

  “How is she?”

  “She’s with him, that’s how she is,” Liam said bitterly. He headed for the stairs. He had one goal. Solitude, to round out the night.

  Angelina looked after him and then to her husband. “What are you saying? She chose Phil?”

  Vasquez shook his head. “No, it just got ugly and Liam pushed too hard, too fast. When it settles and the tears dry, she will come to him.”

  “I’m going to call her.” Angelina turned in search for her phone.

  “Angie, don’t. Kennedy’s in shock. She’s punishing herself. Don’t call over there now. Give her some room.”

  “Nonsense. I’m her best friend. If I w
as dumb enough to not be with you after you returned as a POW for five years I would expect her to call me and talk some sense into my head. I can reach her. Hell, I know her. She doesn’t love Phil, she barely wants to—” Angelina froze. Her husband narrowed his eyes on her and she tried to cover the slip. It hit her hard. The past two months, Kennedy had been trying to get pregnant. What if she had succeeded?

  “She barely wants to what?” Vasquez asked.

  “I don’t know. Um, the baby kicked.”

  He walked over and put his hand on her belly. Angelina pressed on her left side to make the baby kick. The action distracted her husband while she processed everything. Vasquez leaned over and began to whisper to her belly in Spanish. She stroked his head and stared up at the ceiling, as though she could see Liam through the floorboards.

  “What is Phil doing? Is he there with her?” she asked her husband.

  Vasquez pulled her into his arms and kissed her long and passionately. Angelina was swept away. She blinked up at him, dazed. “What was that for?”

  “I’m a lucky man. If I ever lost you, I….”

  “Hey,” she smiled sweetly. “Everything is going to be okay. And honey, you will never lose me. Don’t you dare even think it.”

  ***

  “Phil, I need to ask you something. I need for you to do something for me.”

  Phil looked up at her with relief. He’d started to think Alexa was right, that there would be no saving his marriage, that he’d lost her to Liam.

  “Anything, sweetheart.”

  “I want you to move out for awhile. Maybe you can find a place on base? Just until I can get my head together. Until I can answer your questions.”

  Phil’s smile faded. “You want me to leave our home?”

  “It’s a lot to ask, I know. I just—I need to get my head together. I can’t do that with you here pressuring me, needing my reassurance. I’m not certain of anything at this point. Including us.”

  “I can’t be away from you, Kennedy. I know it’s selfish, but I’m really worried here, babe.” He reached for her. She moved out of range of his hands.

  “I have a lot to think about.”

  Phil felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room. His mind scrambled for a response, for leverage. “What about Mackenzie? She’s only four. She’ll be looking for me.”

  “You can come in the evenings after work to see her so she won’t be too confused, but Mac will need to spend time with Liam. That has to start immediately. In fact, I’m going to arrange for him to see her tomorrow.”

  “What? That’s not wise. You have to do this gradually. You can’t throw Mac at him.”

  “I’m not doing that. She’s his daughter. She knows that.”

  “It will be really confusing to her. We need to supervise this together, explain it to her together.”

  “She knows him, Phil. She recognized him, ran right outside. And you know Liam. We can’t deny him this. I’m being honest with you here, the thought of him having a relationship with Mac gives me hope. I want that to begin immediately, for both of them.”

  “For you.”

  “What?”

  “Admit it. You want to use your daughter to soften him toward you. So that maybe he’d forgive you for being human. For growing and becoming your own woman. I remember how he treated you. How you wanted to go to school, to do more, but you always wondered what would Liam think. You’ve changed, Kennedy, for the better. You are your own person, not some naïve girl who could feed his hero complex.”

  “Wow.” Kennedy frowned. “I never knew you felt that way about him.”

  “Huh? No, I only meant—”

  “Oh, I got your meaning. Is that how you saw us? How you saw me? That my love for my husband made me weak?”

  “No. Sweetheart, I’m talking out of my head. Damn it, I’m desperate. I’d say anything to keep you from pushing me away. I’m sorry.”

  Kennedy glared at him. Phil moved in, tentatively at first, then closer. “You did nothing wrong. How long since he was found? Think about it. How long before Liam told you the truth?”

  She rubbed her eyes. Phil watched as she began to absorb it all. She’d never known the details, but she knew Liam went on special missions. If the military rescued him, he wouldn’t be coming through the door the next day. He watched her calculating…how much time had passed before Liam was returned to her?

  “He walked in here and no one prepared you, Kennedy. Why is it wrong for you to take your time and figure this out? You were young when you got with him, practically a child, but you’re wiser now.”

  “Just stop insulting him, okay? You made your point. I’m sick of hearing it! You know who you sound like, Phil?”

  “Who?”

  “My mother. Boy, you can sing her song really good. Poor dumb Kennedy, and mean ole chauvinist Liam. No wonder you two get along so well.”

  “No more Liam remarks. I get it. Just don’t send me away. Mackenzie thinks of me as her father. I’ve been the only father she’s ever known.”

  Kennedy threw her hands up, then dropped them on her hips. “For the last time, she’s his daughter. I won’t keep her from him for one moment. I know you love her. I’ll make sure you have access to her. But I need space. I’m asking if you would leave…for me? For us.”

  Phil rubbed his jaw. “Only if I can come every day to see Mac and you. I need to be in contact with you two. You’re my family,” he said, and his voice cracked with emotion.

  She nodded. “Yes. Of course you can come back to see Mac, in a day or two. “

  He stepped to her. “What about you, Kennedy? Tell me you haven’t given up already without giving me a chance to fight for us.”

  She shook her head sadly. “I just need space.”

  Phil grabbed her hand and kissed it. “I’ll do anything for you. Even this. But I won’t give up on us, or the family we’re supposed to have. I love you.”

  Kennedy nodded slowly.

  ***

  Liam felt a bit stronger when the hotel receptionist handed him his card key. A little independence went a long way. Vasquez handed over his duffel. “I’ll call tomorrow to make sure we have a place for you. Not sure how big of a house it will be, but….”

  “Whatever you can get for us is fine. I just want Mackenzie to have her own room. A place she can come stay and feel comfortable.”

  “Got it, brother.”

  “Ant, I also need a car. You know anyone, or—”

  “Done.”

  Liam gave him a brotherly hug. He shrugged the duffel over his shoulder and managed to carry it while balancing his weight with his cane.

  “Liam! Wait!” came another voice. He looked back to see Alexa Sinclair marching toward him. Vasquez stopped as well, confused. Had she followed them? She kept her eyes trained on Liam.

  “What are you doing here, Alex?”

  “I called your house.” She gave Vasquez a sideways look. “The press is on it. The news has broken. Tomorrow is going to be a shitstorm and we need to talk. Follow me. We can go on base and—”

  “Not tonight.” Liam turned for the elevator.

  “Liam! This can’t wait. Do you know what—”

  “I said not tonight.” He stalked off stiffly. What the fuck did he care about government PR, when his life was falling apart?

  Chapter Nine

  October 1994

  Kennedy decorated all day. Fake cobwebs and creepy insects tangled within; plastic Jack-o’-lantern, cardboard black cats, and ghostly white ghouls were posted on the front of the house. She’d erected a scarecrow in the yard. Earlier, her mother had forced her to endure store-to-store shopping for Harper’s Halloween party, and somehow it had also become her duty to see to the outside decorations. Her sister was in third grade, spoiled, and demanding, but also really appreciative, helping wherever she could.

  Kennedy wanted everything to be picture-perfect for Harper’s special event. The whole family did. Their dad had agreed to wire t
he outside of the house with spooky dance music like Thriller and Monster Mash. Their mother baked all kinds of wicked treats, including goblin-decorated cupcakes and freshly roasted pumpkin seeds and rice crispy eyes. The party was scheduled for tomorrow, and she planned to dress up as a witch to greet the guests as they arrived.

  But the work didn’t keep her mind off of him. She’d suffered through most of the day with Liam in her every thought. Each minute ticked by painfully slow. She suffered for her secret love . Her mom had been the first to notice. Gail commented on how she shouldn’t be such a sourpuss in preparing for Harper’s party. She played along, and kept her secret close to her chest. Then good news came. Her mother caved. Her father convinced her to attend one of his business dinners. So Kennedy called Liam and told him the coast would be clear. Normally, when he drove to Connecticut, Sierra could help arrange their meeting by extracting her from the house. But Sierra’s grandma had fallen ill and the family had gone to Miami Beach, which meant any subterfuge had been put on hold.

  “Kennedy?”

  She lifted her head from the windowsill. Harper stood there with her white-and-black speckled cat Max in her arms. “Mama said you would make me some macaroni when I wanted it.”

  Kennedy pondered the request. Liam would be there any minute. She would have to find a way to keep Harper distracted while she entertained him. But her pesky sister had pretty much become her shadow when their parents weren’t home. “Hey, do you want to hang out in the basement? Watch TV there?”

  “By myself?” Harper frowned.

  “With Max…and maybe one of my girls.” Kennedy’s gaze swept over to her bookshelf. She reached for her prized American Girl dolls, collectibles and treasures no one was allowed to touch, least of all Harper. They’d been gifts from her daddy when she was Harper’s age. He had such a great tale for each doll he presented to her. He gave Harper her own collectible dolls now, but she remained fascinated with Kennedy’s untouched ones. The truth was Kennedy preserved them because it made her feel more like his little girl, even though, since Liam, she was a woman.