Before Sunrise Read online

  ***

  “You have a good time with daddy. Be a good girl for him, okay?” Kennedy said. Mackenzie blinked in silent response. The wide-eyed look on her face pulled at Kennedy’s heartstrings. She kissed the dimple to her left cheek, checked her car seat fasteners once more, then closed the door. Admittedly, she was nervous. She had thought Anthony would show up with Liam. Now she had to hand Mackenzie over and put all her faith in him. After his violent explosion it was hard to trust him and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Thankfully, the media vans had left so the exchange wouldn’t be on the five o’clock news. A recent celebrity death had now taken the limelight and heat off of them. She feared that would be temporary.

  “Maybe you should come with us, Kay. I was thinking of Fun World after a trip to the pet store.”

  “No.” Kennedy’s tone went flat and firm. She walked around the front of the car and stopped a reasonable distance before him. Liam leaned on the top of the car door in his brown leather jacket and dark sunglasses. It hurt to look at him, so she’d avoided his face and smile since he’d rung the doorbell. Thankfully, he’d worn his shades the entire time, though she suspected that was due to his night of drinking. Liam wasn’t a man to give into vanity. Everything he bought or wore was for practical purposes.

  “Where’s my mom?” Liam asked. His car was parked behind Phil’s. Sally’s was gone.

  “She went to visit Harper. You can reach her over there. I put Harper’s number and my cell number in Mac’s bag for emergencies. Not sure if you had both.” Kennedy said. She kept her defensive stance with her arms crossed under her breasts. Her eyes fixed on her daughter, who waited patiently in the back seat.

  “You’re angry, Kay. You should be. I was out of line yesterday. I want to apologize but it feels like I owe you more. I know I owe you more. You can come with us and we can talk.”

  “I packed Mac a bag with an extra change of clothes. Pay attention to her bathroom habits. If she’s too excited she’ll forget to go and have an accident. So make sure you ask her if you see her hopping from foot to foot. And don’t give her any peaches. She’s allergic.”

  “She is?” he frowned.

  “Yes. Try not to load her with sugar, please. She gets really wound up and hard to put to bed. A candy or sweet treat is fine, but don’t overdo it at Fun World. Oh, Phil and I didn’t have the fish talk. I thought you should have it with her. Help her understand.”

  “Kay, please let me apologize. I want to talk to you, babe.”

  “This isn’t about us. Not now. It’s about you bonding with your daughter. Take advantage of it. I’m trusting you, Liam.” She met his gaze dead on. She wanted him to be clear at that point. He could mess up with her, that was fine, but with Mac it would be a totally different story.

  Liam hung his head, then nodded slowly. “Right. I get it. I just, well okay. I don’t have a cell phone but I’m on my way to Ant’s house. I might pick up a disposable today and leave you a number. Don’t worry, Kay. You know I’ll take care of her.”

  “I know. Enjoy your day.” Kennedy stepped away. He said something else but the wind carried and muffled his words beyond comprehension. She thought she heard him say he loved her. She continued toward the front door, resisting the urge to turn and confront him. Tell him how he hurt her feelings. How it still hurt that he’d call her nasty names. He had once been her world. Building one without him, then deconstructing that life because of his return wasn’t as easy as he thought. She wanted to run after the car and hop in with him. Run away like they did when they were younger and braver. When they could afford to ignore the consequences. She needed him so badly it was a physical pain and it was the pain that kept her sobered. So she did none of that. Instead, she gave one final glance back and watched him drive off. She waved.

  They were gone.

  Kennedy went inside. Phil sat on the sofa staring at his feet. He looked so lost. So hurt. He hadn’t said much as she dressed Mackenzie and made plans to send Sally out of the house. He just went about his routine as if there was nothing wrong. But that nauseating feeling of dread lingered between them. She closed the door. “Phil?”

  “Yeah?”

  He glanced over at the Christmas tree instead of her. As if it had spoken his name. Just as she couldn’t look at Liam, he couldn’t look at her. Both of them were the same, oddly. Longing for someone. Helpless to have things the way they wanted. Suddenly she didn’t feel anger or frustration for his persistence, just pity and love. It was true. She loved him as her husband and it had been different from Liam. They shared something special and she would respect that. She owed that to him as well as to herself. She needed to be whole. As she approached him, he turned his gaze her way. She extended her hand to him. He took it, kissed her palm and pressed it to his cheek. She rubbed the side of his face with a sad sigh.

  “Phil. Let’s talk.”

  ***

  That Afternoon

  “A goldfish? She looks okay to me.” Vasquez sipped on the long straw to his purple Slurpee.

  “Shit, man, it took me an hour to get her to understand the concept of death. I think I got it all wrong. I tried buying the damn fish, but she kept talking about the dead one. We settled on the concept of a puppy. For Christmas.”

  Vasquez laughed. “Yep, welcome to fatherhood.”

  Liam’s mouth curled into a smile. His daughter made him earn his stripes. He liked that. She was a tough kid, too. Smart for a four year old. He sat next to Vasquez on the bench outside of the twelve foot tall red, yellow, and blue castle bounce house. Liam watched as his daughter leapt in the air, her ponytails flapping. She giggled with the twins who did flips and somersaults.

  Fun World was an indoor child’s amusement park, a place where screaming and laughing children raced from a foam factory, where they could blast each other with large floor mounted swivel guns, to the arcade. The kids were in heaven. Liam watched his daughter do an obstacle course he couldn’t get through with his bum leg. She climbed intricate five foot tall mazes with ladders and colored winding tubes. There was pizza station with benches and tables, accompanied by popcorn machines, cotton candy, and ice cream all served up by clowns.

  “Thanks for coming, bro. I know you don’t have much more time left, before you’re called away.”

  “Yeah, got my orders. Leave in a few days. No problem, though. I wanted to hang out with the boys. This is perfect. I think they serve beer here, too.”

  “Beer and a purple Slurpee, good mix.” Liam laughed.

  “Daddy! Daddy from heaven! Look at me!”

  Liam looked up in time to see Mackenzie slide down a yellow foam tube. She giggled and ran to do it again.

  “Daddy from heaven?” Vasquez asked.

  “Yeah, can’t get her to drop it. She says she understands but she doesn’t. She thinks I’m some kind of Christmas gift. You know, she caught me and Kay kissing and started crying.”

  “Damn.”

  “This is hard. Especially after last night. Kay isn’t speaking to me, man.”

  “Eric told me you were down at the Roadhouse, wasted. I know she was at home calling everyone in tears. Guess things reached a boiling point, huh?”

  Liam leaned back on the picnic table and extended both his legs. “Yep. Drinking didn’t help. Still feel like shit inside.”

  “So you will do this therapy thing?” Vasquez gave a long slurp on his blue straw.

  Liam had told Eric he would do therapy. He wanted to apologize to Kennedy and tell her as well. But deep down inside he really didn’t want a stranger digging around in his head. He didn’t need to relive that shit again. He just wanted to forget and move on. Maybe he could get a pill or something. Didn’t they make meds for anxiety? He slipped his friend a look and gauged whether he could be honest. He decided to lie. “Yep, gonna do therapy.”

  “Patience. It’ll take patience then.”

  “Right. The one thing I know nothing about.”

  “True.” Vasquez snorted.


  Mackenzie ran for the bounce house again. Liam checked his watch. Kennedy would have been with Phil for over four hours now. She was with him, he was sure of it. He saw the bastard’s car parked there. Noticed how she couldn’t look him in the face. And if she sent Sally away that meant they were alone. He tried to not make much of it. But damn it, she was his heart. He should be with her. Making up with her right now was what he needed. When would it be about just them?

  “What’s up? Why do you keep checking the time?”

  “She’s with him, man. Closure and shit, I suppose. She keeps saying that and I just don’t get it. “

  “You don’t want to get it,” Vasquez mumbled.

  Liam shrugged.

  Vasquez laughed. “You know I think he’s a dick. But he was the only person that brought her back, Liam. You were the one that asked him to look after her. Remember?”

  “I never….” Liam sat up. He had forgotten. He did ask Phil to be on point for his young, pregnant wife. He paid him a visit the day he got his orders. The dumb idea was put in his head by Alex of all people. It was a way to prove to Kennedy he wasn’t such a caveman about the prick, after he took a swing at Phil at a barbecue for taking her hand and stepping in too close. Kennedy rarely got mad at him but after the incident she gave him the silent treatment. That shit always fucked with his head, made him crazy, just like it did now. Apparently Phil was just updating her on the contacts he was using to get her into law school. This, Liam learned from his C.O. after the fact. He wanted his girl to achieve every last one of her dreams. He’d practically handed his Kay over to the spineless bastard. “I guess I did forget.”

  “Come daddy! Come on!” Mackenzie ran over, grabbing his hand. Liam was forced to stand. He left the new cane behind and dragged his leg with him as he lifted her up into his arms. Mackenzie knew all the spots. So she told him. But she settled on the arcade. There she tried to shoot a basketball on the kid-size hoop game. Winning tickets, she moved on to play skee ball, and some child video games. He listened to her laughter and it soothed him. He began to understand Kennedy better. Why she resisted forcing their union on their daughter until she was ready. He would have to earn his daughter’s trust and love. For her, he had been some mythical creature, a hero, a Christmas wish. But Phil had been the one to catch her when she fell and hold her after a nightmare. He wanted those memories, those bonds. He would focus on forging those memories going forward.

  Eventually, Mac tired of her old man and ran for the foam factory again. When he returned, Vasquez had ordered two large cups of beer and three pizzas: one for him, one for Liam, and one for the kids to share. Liam sat down, smiling.

  “You know I never knew I could love someone as much or more than I love Kay.” He waved back at his daughter.

  Vasquez took a big bite of pizza. He nodded, wiping with a napkin at the string of cheese hanging from his bottom lip. “Why you think I keep trying to knock Angelina up? Something about having them in your own image. You know?”

  “Got me to thinking that I want Kay to have a baby. Another baby. I love Mac, but I missed it all. The pregnancy, the birth, her first steps. As soon as the shit clears, we’re going to start working on a baby.”

  “Whoa, there! Don’t you think you ought to ask the lady if she wants another kid first?”

  Liam smirked. “She’ll want one. We always talked about kids. Having them together. So yes, I can’t wait.”

  “How are things with you two other than the incident last night? Were you on track to getting back together?”

  “Man, I wish I knew. She’s hot and cold. One minute she’s my Kay and its like there’s nothing in the world but us and the next she’s running from me. It’s driving me nuts. I feel like she’s keeping something from me.”

  Vasquez shot up to his feet and cupped his mouth with both hands. “Joey! You do that again and you’re getting out! You hear me!” he shouted in that authoritative voice that certainly rang of his military status. Joey had jumped in the air and karate kicked his brother before flipping in the bounce house. Vasquez shook his head at his son and sat back down. “I need to spend more time with the boys. Angelina lets them get away with too much.”

  “It has to be hard to be away from them now when they need you,” Liam agreed, noticing Mackenzie trying to get out of the bounce house and Joshua helping her. She slid out in her socks and ran to the large yellow slide.

  “I’m thinking about retiring. I’ve done my time and I’ve been given the option.”

  Liam shrugged “Doesn’t look like I got much of a choice,” Liam said bitterly, hitting his bum leg.

  Vasquez looked at his friend. “Oh, you got a choice. The war isn’t on the front lines anymore Liam. It’s behind a desk. That’s why Alexa and Eric got the appointments, and me mine. They want strategic minds constantly on the hunt for the next homeland threat, and right now they are all abuzz about Sarkhir and your time with him. Heard Senator Clayton is nervous they’ll dig into Operation Scorpion.”

  “He sent us on a suicide run. Would serve his ass right if it all came out. Fuck it all. I don’t care. I gave that desert and Sarkhir my life. I want it back. No fucking way, bro. Even behind a desk. The thought of it makes me want to….” Liam swallowed. He beat back the tightness in his chest, mentally concealing his discomfort. Over the dinging bells of the arcade and the children’s laughter he could hear the tortured moans of the men trapped who were away in hell with him. He could hear the laughter of Sarkhir when he was kicked out in the street as a dog and forced to walk a mile on his leg until it gave out under him.

  “Liam?”

  “I don’t want to do it anymore,” he sighed.

  “Even if they offered you the financial security for your family.”

  “Honestly, I wouldn’t do special ops if they offered me my leg back. Fuck it. You don’t know the shit I’ve seen. But I need a career, I want to provide for my family, make Kay believe in me again. I’ll find a way. My family needs me and I…well I need them. So I’m done.”

  “Someone better send Alexa the memo.” Vasquez said.

  Liam scowled. “I’ll handle Alex.”

  Mac rushed him. She could barely talk from panting so hard. Liam lifted her to his knee and gave her some of his bottled water. She gulped and looked up at him with wild excitement in her brown eyes. “Daddy I need more money for the machines. I want to play the game with Josh and Joey.”

  “How about you play with me?” He smiled and rose.

  “Yes, I want to play with you,” she said, slipping her small hand in his.

  Liam pointed to the Speed Racer driving game and Mac ran straight for it. Liam moved her over, sliding inside. Mac sat between his legs. She grabbed the steering wheel while he dropped in tokens. The game lit up, telling the racers to start their engines. The sound of his baby girl’s giggles forced a permanent smile to his face just as the checkered flag dropped. Mac, excited, turned the wheel to a hard right, then the left. Liam tried to correct her steering and she shook her little head fiercely. The video car crashed into the wall.

  “I can do it, daddy! I can do it myself!” she said, pushing his hands away.

  Liam smiled at her independence and let her drive them off the road in the opposite direction of the racecars. He leaned over and noticed the determined look on her face as she put the little video racecar into a spin. He couldn’t help but laugh. The game reminded him of his love for fixing and restoring classic cars. He’d had a Pontiac GTO before he left on assignment, but he hadn’t thought about that car since his return. He’d spent over a year rebuilding that engine. What happened to his things? Swallowing, he realized he’d been declared dead, so his things surely had been sold.

  “See, daddy, I’m doing it.” Mackenzie squealed.

  Mac crashed the car into another and it burst into flames. “This thing is broken!” She hit the steering wheel with her tiny hand.

  Liam sat up and kissed her cheek. “Can daddy show you how to drive
it now?”

  “No. It’s broken,” she pouted, squirming to get off his lap.

  “Let’s try again.” He stopped her and put in more coins. Mac. no longer interested, sighed and let him choose the racecar for them. When the flag dropped, he put his hands over hers and drove up the racetrack. She smiled at the way they passed the other racecars.

  “We gonna win!” she said, grinning.

  “Looks like it.” He knew how he would get his family back. He would show Kay he could take care of them. He didn’t need therapy. He needed them. It would be the first step to rebuilding his life.

  The trumpet roared and confetti sprayed. They placed first in the race. Mackenzie screamed with delight. Liam dropped his head back with a wide grin of satisfaction. It was fleeting. A cool foreboding gnawed at his insides and made the hairs at the nape of his neck rise. The anxious, instinctive sense of danger he’d carried since he found the footprints in the yard followed him the rest of the day. Not even his daughter’s excitement could compete.

  “Daddy? Daddy? I want to play again. Do it again, daddy.”

  He blinked out of the malady of his mind and focused on her. “Sure, sweetheart.”

  Liam shifted her weight and tried to dig in his pocket. Mackenzie began to wiggle out of his lap. “Nevermind, daddy. I want to play with another one.”

  “Mac, sweetheart, wait a sec.” He struggled to get hold of her and work his bum leg. Cramped down in the driver’s seat, he caught her by the hand. He looked up at the crowds of kids and parents who strolled through the arcade as he rose out of the cramped space.

  Liam froze. A man with deep olive skin and thick jet-black hair met his gaze. He looked to be in his mid-twenties, with an army green jacket over a green sweatshirt, and jeans. He was definitely Middle Eastern.

  “Daddy?”

  The man smirked and turned toward the skee ball games.

  “Daddy, c’mon, I want to play some more!”