Before Sunrise Read online

“Good.”

  “Um, can you pass me my robe?” she asked softly.

  The towel did little to cover her. He admired the tops of her breasts slicked with moisture. In fact her neck, shoulders, arms, and curvy thighs had that damp sheen to them. No. He wanted her to remain this way.

  “Kay, you are so beautiful.”

  “Liam. The robe, please.”

  “We got a problem,” he said, dismissing her request. Hoping he would force her to approach him. “Look behind you.”

  Kennedy turned to look. Liam got an unintentional view of what the towel barely covered. He admired the backs of her thighs and the full, curvy preview of her ass. There was a heaven and it was between Kay’s thighs.

  She stared at the fishbowl with sadness he could see reflected in the dresser mirror. “She will be so upset. You found him like this?”

  He rose on his cane. He tossed her robe back to the chair and walked over to her. Stepping right behind her. He pressed his groin into her backside. Her eyes lifted to his in the mirror, a spark of interest there she couldn’t hide. “I found him like that. What should we do?”

  “I guess we have to talk to her. But it’s just the timing. Damn. I really wanted to keep things less stressed for her.”

  “Yeah, me too.” He eased his hand to her uncovered left buttock and felt the soft, round perfection in his palm. She didn’t move.

  “I, um, we can talk to her in the morning or…maybe we can get another fish?” She breathed slowly, in and out, no longer meeting his eyes in the mirror.

  “Yeah, another fishie.” He eased his hand around her hip to her sex. He was only an inch away before she covered his hand with hers, stopping him.

  “No, Liam. Don’t.”

  He grimaced. He walked off. She quickly made her way over to the chair and snatched up her robe. He watched her cover up and grew even angrier. It’s as if she were hiding from him. It pissed him off.

  “I have a question for you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Did you agree to let Phil adopt Mackenzie?”

  “Huh?”

  “Did you?” he seethed.

  “Who told you that? Sally? No.”

  “Then how the hell did she come up with it? Are you saying it’s a lie?”

  “Liam, calm down. It’s not what you think.”

  Calm down. There were those words again. As if he wasn’t capable of a single thought that didn’t need to be managed by everyone but him. That condescension was like nails going over a chalkboard. He spoke again through clenched teeth. “Even if you thought I was fucking dead, why would you consider having my child take another man’s name? Did you want to erase all of me from her life? What kind of cold, heartless bitch are you?”

  Kennedy froze, those brown doe eyes looking at him innocently. It wasn’t enough. None of it was. He was a fucking visitor in his own life now. Nothing belonged to him, not even his wife. He couldn’t touch her without making her skin crawl.

  “Don’t speak to me that way, Liam. I won’t put up with it. Do you understand?”

  “Why? It’s what you are. Only a cold, heartless bitch would do what you’ve done!”

  “I think you should leave now.”

  “So he can come back. So you can wait on your real man to return. Someone less of a burden, less of a cripple?”

  “Get out, Liam. I don’t want you scaring Mackenzie.”

  “Cut the fucking act. I think you like it this way. Teasing me with the promise that we could be a family, then pushing me off when I get close. I think you’re doing the same to him. Want to keep us both chasing our tails for you.”

  “Take that back!” she shouted at him. “Take it back before you cross a line you don’t want to.”

  “Hell, no. It’s the truth. A fucking tease! You let me in then push me off. You get off on it! You haven’t taken off his fucking wedding ring!”

  Kennedy looked down at her hand as if she hadn’t known. But when she looked up at him again, it wasn’t with an apology, it was with rage. “I’m teasing you? Is that what you think this is? Really? Because I won’t screw you on the same bed where I fucked him? Is that what this is for you? Just me fucking you to prove you’re still a whole man. Fine.” She disrobed in front of him. He looked her over with anger. “Should we change the sheets first, or do you want to get it on the same bedspread he does? Mark your territory, beat your chest, like some Neanderthal? Because I can tell you that those sheets, well Phil and I…”

  He heard nothing. Everything went black. Liam swung his cane like a sword and smashed it against the dresser mirror. He beat at everything wildly, sending sharp shards of glass everywhere. Then he began smashing everything on her dresser, including the fishbowl, sending water and the goldfish to the floor. “You said you would wait for me forever. You lied! You got over your guilt and then handed that motherfucker my kid!”

  The cane broke in half. He stumbled back, heaving deep breaths in front of a tornado-like swath of destruction. He blinked at the glass and broken pieces, not sure who had done it. He looked down at the mangled cane in his hand and realized that he had.

  “Kay, I—” He turned to see her covering herself with her robe. She shivered, still wouldn’t look at him. The door flew open and his mother came in, with horror on her face.

  No one spoke.

  “Mommy!” Mackenzie cried from her room.

  “I want you out of here! NOW! And don’t come back!” Kennedy shouted at him through her tears.

  “Kay, wait, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

  She escaped the room, and him, before he could reach her.

  “Liam, what happened?”

  “I have to get out of here.” He stumbled without the aid of a cane and nearly dropped to the floor. His leg dragged behind him. It felt like lead. He panted for air, wheezing, his chest constricting. He blinked through sweat and tears, seeing colors brighter than he’d ever seen them before. He closed his eyes and opened them. It helped. Some. He couldn’t walk like a man. He sure as hell didn’t act like one, losing his cool this way. He’d scared her. He never cursed at her or yelled at her. Now he had done both. Why? Because she wouldn’t give him sex? How could he explain this?

  When he reached Mackenzie’s door, he tried the knob and found it locked. Liam broke. The tears came from nowhere. He could hear his daughter’s sobs and wished he was dead. He should have died in that hole. This wasn’t home. He didn’t belong here and the truth was he didn’t belong anywhere.

  “Liam, let me help you,” Sally tried to offer.

  He shoved her off, and nearly tumbled down the stairs. Thankfully he made it without incident. Then he was out the door.

  “It’s okay. It was just a nightmare,” Kennedy said, kissing Mackenzie’s tears.

  Her daughter still sleepy didn’t fully grasp what had transpired. Kennedy was thankful for that. When Liam tried to turn the doorknob, she held her breath and waited. She heard him and Sally in the hall, then heard the front door close. Only then did Kennedy let go and cry.

  She lay in the small twin-size bed with her daughter and cried into the back of her head until she exhausted herself and fell asleep.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Sugar, do you need anything?”

  Liam wiped his brow. He slumped forward, staring at the fizz and bubbles that rose from the bottom of his frosted mug of beer. The waitress leaned in, purposely or not, putting her oversized tits at eye level. She smelled of menthol, lemon dish soap, and one of those feminine lotions that reminded him of cherries—the mix was nauseatingly strong for his already sour stomach. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

  Her tits weren’t bad, though they were larger than Kennedy’s, a little saggy. He preferred Kennedy’s tits always, mostly because of her suckable, large nipples. He’d seen them when she stepped out of the shower. Her breasts were a bit rounder, but the nipples remained lickable. The last time he made love to her, she’d complained of sensitivity. His baby girl had been
growing inside Kay after all. But he reined in his inner beast. It was hard. Kennedy was always so warm between her thighs and so soft during her first trimester. He remembered vividly how soft her skin was. He closed his eyes.

  “Hey, you in there?” the waitress asked.

  He lifted his gaze to her face. He saw nothing but blond teased hair and a relatively attractive face became clear. She wore too much eye makeup; a dusty bluish grey covered her eyelids. And the popping of her gum was irksome. Christ, she chewed that pink wad like Mabel the cow.

  “You okay, sweetheart? I can bring you another.”

  “Yes, another,” he rasped.

  Her listless hazel eyes softened with pity. Liam felt his pride tense on reflex. She licked her pink-stained lips. “Name is Sandy. This one on me.”

  “No thanks. I’ll pay for it,” he barked in too loud of a voice.

  Sandy gave a snort and an upward toss of her chin. “Suit yourself, sweetie. Misery loves misery I see.”

  She sashayed off in a mini-skirt that hugged her wide hips and flat ass. Liam rolled the tension from his neck and scanned the bar. A pair of young brunettes lifted their mugs to him. He grimaced. He didn’t know if they recognized him from the television sets over the bar that flashed his face between commercials, or just surmised by his blockhead and stature he was military. Either way, he didn’t want the company. Instead, he dropped back in the booth and let fatigue draw down his eyelids.

  The sounds of Roadhouse Grill lulled him into a comfortable numbness. Travis Tritt’s The Whiskey Ain’t Workin played on the dollar jukebox. No shit. The beer ain’t working, either. Liam chuckled under his breath.

  Without moving, he let his ears scan his surroundings. From every corner of the bar, the laughter of the young servicemen mingled with that of the townies. Liam could recognize the rambunctious roar of enlisted men over locals anywhere.

  The break of balls over a pool table and soft thud of darts hitting the dartboard sounded not far from his booth. An occasional fight would occur over a spilled drink or a young lady who belonged to another. The two burly fuckers at the door would move and bust it up, dragging some inebriated fool out as he cussed and threatened everyone around him.

  This was the place for him. He’d ditched the news van tailing him and checked in with the owner when he arrived, to keep the press or anyone else off him. Liam knew Nick pretty well and was granted anonymity. He’d also found a booth far enough in the shadows to become one. There he’d sat for two hours, but remained on edge every time a double glance from across the room told him one of the servicemen recognized him.

  “How many so far?”

  Liam reached for his mug and tossed back another big swallow. He opened his eyelids to see the rangy, tense frame of Eric standing across from him. He wasn’t surprised to see him. The bar had been one of their spots years ago. It’s the brotherhood that calls to him. He missed that part of his identity. But damn, he thought he had another hour or two before they came looking. “Why’re you here?”

  “Kennedy called. Ant and I split up. I figured Nick would give you a pass here, enough to drink yourself under the table.” Eric undid the button to his suit and squeezed his big form into the booth seat. Liam sighed.

  “So you blew it?” Eric asked.

  “Fuck off,” Liam slurred. He dropped his empty mug on the table and looked up for saggy tits to bring him another. She was at another booth, laughing with patrons. Liam groaned.

  “Watch your mouth, bro. I’m pissed at you. Trying to contain myself here.”

  “Yeah, well fuck you.”

  Eric slammed his fist down on the table and pointed a finger in Liam’s face. “Cool it. Not gone ask you twice.”

  Liam sulked. He was in no mood to push those limits with his friend. Eric leaned in. “I know you’re hurting. I get that. But you scared the shit out of her and your kid. If you weren’t drunk I’d take your ass out back and slam you on the concrete.”

  Liam lowered his gaze. He felt his face and throat grow hot with the inner burn of shame. “She pushed me away. I couldn’t handle it.”

  “No shit.”

  “You don’t understand. It’s all wrong. Me, her, all of it is just wrong. I don’t belong with her anymore, and I can’t pretend I do. Who the hell am I? I’m not a husband, I’m no use as a soldier, and my daughter thinks I’m some cartoon hero she wished upon a star for.”

  “Yeah, I get it, you’re a loser. Fuck life, right? Just give up. Kennedy and Mackenzie sure as shit aren’t worth you trying.”

  “Try what? I can’t fight what Freeman can give her. What he has given her. And after I showed her my anger she’ll never look at me the same.”

  “Not if you can’t look her in the eye and apologize, brother. Hey, I got to say it. You need some professional help.”

  “Fuck that.”

  “Then fuck you.” Eric snapped. “Fuck you and this pity party. I don’t deal in self-hate. Hell, the man I knew didn’t make excuses for life. He played the hand he was dealt. Fuck the fact that neither of us have known our fathers, don’t like our mothers, and have killed on command. To hell with all of that. You got a kid, your kid, damn it, and even if you can’t get over your fucking pride to forgive Kennedy you damn well owe Mackenzie more than this shit.”

  Liam dropped his face in his hands and sobered on Eric’s words. His baby girl’s questioning eyes loomed in his mind. There wasn’t enough booze in him to make him forget the look Kennedy gave him before she demanded he leave. He just wanted to go back to that dark place in his mind where he didn’t feel anything. He couldn’t take this pain. “I need another drink.”

  “Liam. Look at me brother. Look at me!” Eric snapped.

  Liam lowered his hands.

  “You need help. You want your life back, then you need to accept the fact that it’s different. We’re all different. I know it sucks monkey balls, but it is what it is.” Eric reached into his pocket and threw keys on the table.

  “What are those?”

  “Your pad. Got you a house in Spring Lake. It’s got two bedrooms. The grass needs cut and the plumbing is shot to shit. But it’ll do for you.”

  “Don’t want anything from the government, man. Alex will just use it to drag me in.”

  “You ain’t fuckin’ listnin’.” Eric snapped. “That there is property I own. You can lease it. I’ll spot you this month, but your ass better get my rent on time every month after. Rent is $850, motherfucker, and I want you to get the utilities in your name too. Don’t need you running up no fucking bills on me.”

  Liam stared at the offering. A place of his own. He could set up his little girl’s room, and have her stay with him. The possibilities had his mind swimming. “Thanks, brother. I….” He reached for the keys but Eric put his hands over them. Liam looked up into Eric’s hard stare.

  “You need to correct that shit you pulled tonight with Kennedy. You hurt her bad and I’m not going to let you go unchecked about that. She doesn’t deserve anything but respect, Liam. She held it down for you for a long time, brother. Longer than I seen any woman do for a dead soldier. Now if you can’t give her respect then you stay the fuck away from her until you can. Feel me?”

  “I get it, man. Good looking out.”

  Eric lifted his hand and Liam pocketed the keys. Just having his own place and not that cramped hotel room gave him space to breathe.

  “Seems to me you got some back pay owed to you.” Eric reached into his pocket and tossed a checkbook on the table for him. “I had some things done. It’s not much but it’s enough for you to stand on your feet.”

  Liam opened the checkbook and saw the account in his name. “I can do it. Just need to get on my feet and clear my head. You know?”

  “After,” Eric said.

  “After?”

  “Clear your head after you meet with a head shrink. Your future hangs on that, brother. Not for Kennedy; it’s not for Mac. That deal is for you. I don’t know what you seen, what they put
you through, but I know they didn’t break you. That means all of that pain is in that head of yours. Do you want it to come out in front of your woman and your kid?”

  “Right. I get it.”

  “Cool, got an appointment for you in two days. Made some calls. VA Hospital has a doctor named Abrams. He’s a good brother, a lifer, been to Vietnam and back. He’s your guy.”

  “Kennedy wanted us to do it together.”

  Eric shrugged his big shoulders. “Your call. I suggest you take the first wave alone, get those waters a little calm before you throw her in the mix. Again, it’s your wife, your call.”

  “She is my wife. Isn’t she? Damn beautiful, too.”

  “After that shit you pulled tonight?” Eric’s brows lowered.

  Liam nodded. “How is she? How bad are things with me and her now?”

  “You did a number on her, man. She blames herself for confusing you. Sending you mixed signals. Got her thinking that she’s your problem, not your solution. Good job.”

  “That’s not what she is. She’s my life. Damn it, I blew it.”

  “Damn right you blew it,” Eric said. “From what I hear you been singing the song of blame since you showed up on her door. Why don’t you just hand her over to Phil?”

  “Did she say that? That I keep blaming her?”

  “Didn’t have to. I know the deal. If had a wife like Kennedy and a cute kid like Mac with another man, I’d be raising all kinds of hell. No one is blaming you for having problems with dealing with life. Shit, you got a raw deal. If you hadn’t gone all commando on that rock we’d all be dead. But thing is, that’s over. You’re home now. Got to let go of the past. If you don’t fix it then it is all on you.”

  Liam scratched his forehead. “His name is Abrams, huh?”

  “Give the doctor a call. But later on that. Let’s get you to your new place. Not going to let you add drinking and driving to your list.”

  ***

  Kennedy sat up. She reached over and turned on the lamp near the bed, then picked up her ringing cell phone. “Hello? Hello?”