Before Sunrise Read online

  “I found him,”

  “Oh, thank God, Eric. Is he okay?”

  “He’s cool. You getting some sleep?”

  “No.” Kennedy sighed. “Can I talk to him? To be sure he’s okay.”

  “Not a good idea, sweetheart. Don’t you think you two should cool off?”

  Kennedy closed her eyes. The last thing she wanted was separation or distance. But she didn’t recognize Liam. He scared her. “Yeah, yes. I think you’re right.”

  “He wants to know if he can come tomorrow to get Mackenzie.”

  “No. I don’t think he can handle it now. He’s too angry.”

  “Kennedy, he’s not going to hurt her. You know that. Ant will be with him. So he won’t have her alone. He just wants to spend some time with her. I think it’s a good idea.”

  “Oh, um, sure.” Kennedy wiped her tears. “Where is he? Is he in his hotel room? Is he okay? Wait. I already asked you that.”

  Eric laughed. “He’s a grown man. He’s okay. He survived the war, he can survive a night drying out.”

  “Drying out? He was drinking? Alone?”

  “Shit. I said too much. You two work it out. I’ll see you soon okay?”

  “Thank you, Eric, and thank Anthony, too.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  Kennedy hung up. She slipped back down under her covers. The light from the lamp spilled out over the room. She’d cleaned up the glass and broken pieces from her vanity. But the frame with the missing mirror had been a clear indication that something was missing. It matched the hole in her heart.

  ***

  Morning

  Phil coasted up his driveway and shifted the sedan into park. The men posted at his house remained in their military-issued vehicles, on guard. Other than them, it looked like any other day in his neighborhood. The dewy atmosphere and cloudy sky left the morning air frigid and the roads were beginning to get slick, covered with black ice. He didn’t see reporters, though one news van remained parked down the street. It was the same station that kept giving minute-to-minute reports on the activities in his home. It was how he’d discovered that Kennedy played house with her resurrected husband all day while he was miserable.

  Phil thought of Alexa’s bargain. If he did what she suggested, Liam would no longer be his problem. He would have Kennedy to himself. But even he couldn’t imagine betraying Kennedy to that degree. She had been honest with him from the start. He knew she hadn’t recovered from her grief. He just wanted a fair shot at some of the happiness she bought into his life. Was that wrong? Was it wrong to wish for a way to force Liam Flanagan back down the desert hole he’d crawled out of?

  Phil turned down the key in the ignition and shut off the car engine. He got out and shook off the cold blast of air whipping through the neighborhood. Tied to the roof was the Christmas tree he’d bought on his way over. He lucked out that the place opened at six in the morning. The soldiers came to the vehicle, offering to untie it and bring it in. Mackenzie would get a kick out of it. He’d go up in the attic and get all the ornaments and lights and make a day out of it.

  Quickly he headed up the walk to his front door and then unlocked it. The warm smell of breakfast meat and biscuits enveloped him. Closing the door, Phil let a smile ease slowly across his face. Had Kennedy gotten up and started breakfast, knowing he was coming over?

  “Kennedy? Babe?”

  Phil dropped his key in the ceramic dish near the door and shook off his coat. He was hanging it on the rack as Sally stepped out the kitchen, wearing his wife’s apron. She looked him up and down, then smiled.

  “Hi, Phil.”

  “Sally? What are you doing here?”

  “Haven’t you heard? My son’s alive.” Sally smirked.

  Kennedy tossed and turned under the blankets. She groaned in her sleep, begging Phil not to throw away their child, begging Liam to forgive her, begging all through the night and her heart was pummeled and ripped to shreds. She woke again with a silent scream strangled in her throat, and pillows soaked with sweat. Confused and mentally exhausted, she waited for her mind to differentiate between reality and her nightmares. She couldn’t go on much longer like this. She just couldn’t. The nightmares only went away after she’d been heavily medicated when Liam died. This time she would have to beat them back herself.

  Mackenzie screamed.

  Kennedy shot up from the bed, grabbed her robe, and raced to the door. Before she made it to the hall, Mackenzie rushed in, hysterical, her little body racked with sobs. “Sweetheart, what is it? Calm down and tell mama what it is!”

  “He gone!”

  “Who? Who’s gone?”

  “My fishie!” Mackenzie wailed. “Somebody took my fishie!”

  Kennedy drew her into her arms. She rolled her eyes to the ceiling as she vividly recalled Liam’s destruction of the fishbowl and her subsequent flushing of Fishie down the toilet. To add to her torment, Phil walked in briskly, alarmed. Now Kennedy would be forced to address the other man in her life, and her daughter’s. She had to get off this rollercoaster.

  “What is it, Mac?”

  “Daddy! He gone! Somebody stole my fishie!” Mackenzie wept. She rushed from her mother’s arms to her stepfather’s. Kennedy rose from her knees, adjusted her robe, and looked on as Phil comforted her daughter. Mackenzie cried against his neck, mumbling unintelligibly. He rubbed her back; his caress reduced her daughter’s wails to hiccupping sobs.

  “What happened to the damn fish?” he asked over Mackenzie’s shoulder.

  “Dead.” Kennedy mouthed.

  Phil sighed. He nodded that he understood and turned, but froze at the sight of a gutted dresser mirror. He glanced back at Kennedy. What could she say? There was no explaining the obvious, so she said nothing. He shook his head and walked out whispering of a new fish to Mackenzie. Kennedy quickly went to her closet and found a pair of jeans. She pulled them up and sucked in her diaphragm to button and zip them. Grabbing one of Phil’s Army sweatshirts, she put it on, then hurried to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face, brushed her teeth. The doctor’s office opened early. She could go as a walk-in for this. She was sure of it. She had a good relationship with her OB. And besides, it was an emergency.

  “Kennedy?”

  She turned in the mirror with her toothbrush in her mouth.

  “Where are you going?”

  Kennedy spat sudsy toothpaste in the sink and turned on the tap to wash it down. “Need to go to the doctor. I want to get a blood test.”

  Phil stared at her. Kennedy ignored the look in his eyes as she washed her face and hands, then ran a comb through her tangles. Giving up on the frizzies that reached all the way to her roots, she grabbed a headband and put it on. She decided to let her locks remain wild and untamed.

  “Delay it.”

  She looked up in the mirror confused. “Huh?”

  “We need to talk. There’s lots to talk about. I want to spend the day working through our feelings. Besides, we haven’t even planned Christmas, the party yet. I got a surprise for you downstairs.”

  “I can’t think of Christmas or her party. Phil, I can’t think about anything but the fact that I might be pregnant. I need a test. I want to know.”

  “Why? Why the hurry? You made a decision without me?” Phil asked.

  Kennedy sucked down a deep breath. “This is hard.”

  “No shit.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “You know this isn’t the way I planned things. If I had known he was alive I wouldn’t have married you.”

  “But you did. You did marry me. You made vows to me.”

  He stepped inside the bathroom. Kennedy bit down on her bottom lip. She nodded that she did. She wanted out, tried to slide by him, but he blocked her passage. She shook her head, not wanting to tell him that their marriage had ended while standing next to the toilet and bathroom sink.

  “I made vows to L
iam. Vows that I never intended to break. Vows I am very much committed to. I’m his wife, Phil, that’s a fact. You and I, we aren’t really married. And here’s another fact. I want to remain his wife. I choose him.”

  “Forget Liam for a moment.”

  “Did you hear what I just said—”

  “Look at us. The home we built. Our life. It’s not a substitute for what you lost with Liam Flanagan. It’s what you found with me. I won’t let you run to him like this.”

  “You won’t let me?”

  “I want a fair chance to hold on to my family. Besides, there are things you don’t know about Liam. Or wait, maybe you do. What happened to the mirror, Kennedy?”

  “I really need to get the test.” She tried again to go around him.

  “So it comes down to the baby? If you’re pregnant are you going to stay married to me?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “Say something, damn it. Give me an answer!”

  “Fine. I want Liam. There, I said it. Baby or no baby, I want my husband back. I want the life I had with him. I want to forget five years has been robbed of us and start right where we left off. That’s my heart’s wish. It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since the day they told me he was dead.”

  “And will he want you with my kid? You think of that? The man isn’t right in the head. Who goes through what he did and not come out with screws loose? What happened here last night? You saw it, didn’t you? You saw how screwed up he is.”

  “I saw how this situation is killing him. I have to put an end to it.”

  “He’s dangerous, Kennedy. You have no idea what will set him off. My money is our child is what will do it. Then what? You going to put Mackenzie in harm’s way because of some puppy love from years ago?”

  “Spare me,” Kennedy snapped. “You have no idea who Liam is. Who we were to each other. Don’t let my mother fool you, she didn’t know either. Liam is my heart. The other half of my heart. We fought like hell to be together before you ever knew me. I gave up my family and my future to be his wife at seventeen and he gave his life to his country to provide for us both. I have never stopped loving him since the first day I laid eyes on him. That’s not puppy love, it’s not even close to any love between you and me, it’s the real thing. Now I’m sorry. I’m so very, very sorry, Phil. I warned you. I shared all of this with you when he died. When you came to me time and time again, saying my love for him didn’t matter. Telling me to get over it. I told you this and more. So don’t stand there like he is wrong for being alive. That I’m wrong for wanting my husband back!”

  Her words forced Phil to look away. She had delivered the final blow to his heart and he actually looked like he expected it. He stared off at nothing. He had to force it, had to make her say it. Now she had. And part of her felt better because of it.

  “And if you’re wrong? If he’s dangerous? Unstable? What then? Are your feelings for Liam more important than Mackenzie?”

  “All I know is that I need that damn test. Excuse me.” She pushed past him and hurried to the closet for her shoes. She felt such a heated shame burning her cheeks for it all. No one was to blame, but there sure was a lot of blame being thrown around between them. How could he ask her to forget Liam? Pretend their love had been just some distant fairytale of her girlhood. Would that suddenly make her the wife and mother Phil wanted her to be? No. The truth was she’d used Phil’s love just as much as he’d used her grief.

  Phil remained in the bathroom where she left him. Part of her wanted to comfort him. Make him hurt less. The problem was she didn’t know how anymore. Any show of affection she gave felt like a direct betrayal, and she was tired of feeling like shit for being human. Liam was right. She had to stop this back-and-forth and take a stand.

  When the phone rang she ignored it. But it did remind her that Liam would be coming for Mackenzie. She slipped on her shoes and turned to face Phil, who had now entered the room, and watched her silently.

  “Liam’s coming for Mackenzie.”

  “I want my talk. I want you to take the time to sit down and hear me out.”

  Kennedy dropped her hands to her hips. She chewed on her bottom lip. “I’m all over the place, Phil. If you want to talk, talk until we’re talked out, then let’s do that. I owe you that much. Okay?”

  He wiped his hand down his face. “Is there a chance I will change your heart?”

  “No,” she said softly. “Just like there is no chance I will change yours.”

  Phil nodded. “Well, I plan to try. I can’t give up on us Kennedy. I don’t know how to give up. Not after the year I’ve shared with you. It’s hell, you know? Loving a woman who doesn’t love you back.”

  “I love you, Phil. I do. I’m just not…not in love with you. And you deserve more than anything I’ve ever given you.”

  He approached her. “What I deserve is a chance to be heard, to be really seen in your eyes. Baby or no baby, I deserve a fair shot. I’ve earned it.”

  Kennedy dropped her head, shaking it. This would be harder than she thought. And the fear of a baby in the midst of all this confusion had her weak and indecisive. Phil embraced her. She didn’t really feel him. Her heart had gone numb. She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed. Slowly her arms lifted and she returned his embrace.

  ***

  Liam hung up the phone. Eric had left his services on at the house. He needed to get them switched over as soon as possible. Problem was, Kennedy wasn’t answering. He pushed his hands down in his front pockets, eyes fixed on the phone. Everyone seemed to have cell phones, now. If he had his mother’s cellular number, he’d try it next. Kennedy freezing him out would make his Christmas plans all the more difficult to pull off. It was rare that Kennedy gave him the silent treatment. She knew how much he hated it, so it was always that final secret weapon to bend him to her way of thinking. Liam ran his hand back through his hair and gripped the hairs at his nape tight. “Come on Kennedy, talk to me, babe.”

  He picked up the phone and dialed again. This time his mother answered.

  “Mom?”

  “Liam? Morning! You coming for breakfast?”

  “Where’s Kay?”

  “Upstairs with her other husband.” Sally snorted.

  Liam closed his eyes. “Oh, um, can you do me a favor?”

  “You really need to come for breakfast. She was up cleaning away that glass and crying all last night, blaming you, as if you could help it. After everything you been through, she blames you. Always knew she was a little too pampered to deal with life. Never wanted to tell you that, but she could barely stand on her own when you died, and then married that man ’cause she is one of those women that need a man. I heard her, upstairs crying and sniveling. She wouldn’t let me help either. She’s going to blame you, you know. She’s the type of wife that will blame you for being human. She can’t put up with stuff like that. Now if you want Mackenzie, I can help you. She’s your kid, Liam. They have good schools in Chicago, and I got an extra bedroom. Kennedy never let her come visit. She was selfish. I can help you, though. That black man wants to raise your kid, Liam, make her forget she’s a Flanagan. Come over for breakfast, I’ll let you in. They can’t keep you out, they—”

  “Ma! Shut the hell up!” he shouted.

  Sally did as she was told.

  “Just tell Kay I will be coming to pick up Mac in an hour. Can you do that?”

  “Ah, sure. I’m sorry Liam, don’t be mad at me.”

  He ended the call. He really did screw everything up. On top of acting like a madman, he left his mother there with Kennedy? Part of him wondered if he’d done so on purpose. He would need to get Sally to go back to Chicago. Liam walked out of the kitchen, through the empty rooms of his new home. The heater worked, so it was nice and warm. Maybe he’d light a fire tonight in the fireplace.

  Liam eased open the back patio door. He stepped out on the small terrace and searched the side of the house for wood and found it. He limped out on his can
e to check the bin to see how usable the supply was. Most planks were dry. When Liam turned, his gaze naturally went to his feet, watching his steps. Immediately he noticed a thatch of thinned grass, moist with soil. There were fresh tracks, none of which were made by him. Liam lowered the wood. He knelt and touched the soil and considered the pattern. A man’s sneaker print size eleven. Liam straightened. He searched for the direction the person had traveled. From the pattern of flattened grass, he assessed the person had come in from the side gate. And it hadn’t been too long ago.

  Liam’s ears pricked. Suddenly he became aware of everything. From the soft rays of the winter sun on his face to the distinct odors of morning dew and chirps from birds on power lines, nothing appeared out of the ordinary.

  The mystery of the tracks, however, tightened his chest and made his breathing labored. He’d only been there since last night. Who was on him? He stepped back and decided to resist the urge to track. His head was fucked up and everything read conspiracy. He scanned the perimeter of the small lawn and remained alert as he headed back into the house. Liam ran down the possibilities. Place had been empty. Could have been kids or something looking for their favorite place to squat. He’d done it as a kid. It was possible with the weather the tracks were from Eric opening up the place for him last night when he dropped him off drunk. Yes. All of it was plausible. Once inside, he decided to set aside that caged fear that made him want to react. Last night, he’d given into his emotions and scared the hell out of his family. A few tracks in the grass shouldn’t send him over the edge. It was nothing. Nothing.

  The new place was cool upstairs despite the warmth on the lower level. There would be much work to be done. The upstairs plumbing was busted. Faucets didn’t run hot water but the toilets did flush. A trip to the hardware store would top the list of things he needed to accomplish. Liam had always been handy enough for this kind of work. He definitely needed a distraction. The fix-and-repair projects would give him something positive to focus on. Maybe therapeutic home repair had been Eric’s intent?. His friend was wiser than he ever gave him credit for.