Before Sunrise Page 38

  Harper continued to cry. Eric wanted to touch her and comfort her but he feared that, too. He didn’t know where the lines were. Boundaries, man.

  “Fine, fine. I get it.” She sniffled, sat back wiping at her eyes. “I’m too young to be in love. You don’t want to be with someone my age. Whatever. You said what you had to say.Just go.” She stood. Before he could rethink it he grabbed her hand and pulled her to him. He brought her to his lap.

  “I’m a coward. I can’t think of any way to make this work with you without hurting you and other people in the process.”

  “Liam?”

  “Yes. He loves you and he wants to protect you.”‘

  “I don’t need his protection. He’s been gone for five years. He can’t show up and try to control me. I have a father.”

  “You have a father who lost another daughter at your age. Do you want to put your dad through that again? Everybody is excited about you going to college. You got the world in front of you. Trust me, sweetheart, this isn’t love. Next year you won’t glance my way, and it’ll be my heart that’s breaking.”

  Harper looked away. “I don’t want to hurt my dad. But I’m not a kid. I’m eighteen. Sixty-three days from being nineteen, and I know what I feel. I love you Eric. I always have. You don’t have to believe me. I’m sure I’ll get over it. Just don’t tell me I don’t know what I feel.”

  “I would never tell you that.” Eric said. He felt a surge of belonging when she said she loved him. In his life, only two women had ever said those words to him and meant it: his grandmother, and a drunken whore in Korea.

  Harper stared into his face. She touched his jaw, then his bottom lip and he winced. Even now his busted lip stung.

  “Does it hurt?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “Liam went crazy. I told Kennedy but she acted like she didn’t believe me. What’s wrong with him?”

  “He’ll be fine. We’ll get him some help.”

  Harper kept stroking his jaw. He wished she would stop, but he made no move to stop her. She sat on his lap and stroked his jaw and the beast inside him clawed to stroke her back. She had him on edge again. “We cool?” he asked, trying to will his cock not to rise.

  She leaned in and kissed him. It was so natural he didn’t object at first. He just drew her tongue in and savored the taste of her. But his cock did rise and so did his sensibility. He pushed her back gently. “That’s it. it has to stop. Okay?”

  “Last night, when you made love to me, it was more than sex. I felt it, Eric. You can tell Liam and Kennedy whatever you want to deny what we shared. You can sit here and say you don’t feel anything but brotherly love for me. But I felt it. If you want to give up on this because it makes you uncomfortable or you’re ashamed, then fine. I understand. It’s not my loss. It’s yours.” She rose from his lap and wiped her tears from her cheeks. “There are plenty of men who find me beautiful, that want to be with me. Men that don’t know Liam and don’t care that I’m eighteen.”

  “Harper, chill out okay.”

  “I’ll give one of them a call tonight. Get dressed real pretty for him and—”

  “Stop it, damn it!” he snapped.

  “Get out. And don’t come around here anymore.” She walked away.

  Eric groaned deep in his throat. He reached for his helmet and started to rise. He told himself she deserved better, that it was wrong, and he knew it was true. But the idea of her being with someone else made him hot with anger. “Fuck!”

  Harper sat on her bed and the tears came. She wanted to hate him, but she decided not to. He never asked for her to come on to him. She felt like a fool. Throwing her self at him was so pathetically low. And he’d been right. What would her father think? She knew her mother would probably drop in a faint, or worse blame Liam and Kennedy. But her dad’s feelings meant the most to her. He was so depressed and upset after Kennedy ran away. And then the fights between her parents when Kennedy married Liam forever changed them. No matter what her father did to get her mother’s forgiveness, she punished him. Mama became mean, distrustful and withdrawn from her and daddy both. Harper wondered if Mama loved Kennedy more than she loved them. She certainly acted like it. They pretended when Kennedy and Liam did visit that they were okay, but they weren’t. Things were different.

  Still, she saw how Liam loved Kennedy. And how happy she was. There was nothing wrong with them in Harper’s eyes. And before them she had her parents’ love. Her father was ten years older than her mother. Her mother married young. Why would it be different for her?

  Because it just is. She couldn’t do that to her daddy again.

  Her bedroom door opened. Surprised, she lifted her head. Eric came inside the room. She rose from the mattress, annoyed. “I told you to leave. I won’t bother you anymore. So don’t give me any more lectures.”

  Eric marched over to her and took her face into his hands. To Harper’s surprise, he kissed her. She shivered as his tongue explored the deep recesses of her mouth. And as sweetly as the kiss began it ended, filling her with a sigh of contentment.

  “Let me work through this. I….” Eric shook his head. He held her face and she saw the battle raging in his dark brown eyes. “I don’t know what to do with the feelings I have for you.”

  Harper nodded. “Me, either.”

  ***

  Liam turned over. After their shower they changed the sheets and made another comfortable spot to sleep. Soon he’d have to let her go back to her life and find a way to belong there as well. He was determined to try. No more jealousy, no more doubts. Even the nightmares when he closed his eyes had eased. But like an approaching storm cloud, he feared their return. He was going to get into therapy and figure his shit out. Including his guilt over what happened to his baby sister.

  With Kennedy anything was possible.

  She turned over, smiling. “Go to sleep,” she said without opening her eyes. Somehow, she knew he was lying there awake. He drew the covers over her and kissed her nose. She snuggled up against his chest, and he threw his leg over her thigh so his cock could rest at the apex of her sex. Closing his eyes, he didn’t fear sleep. For the first time in five years, he didn’t fear anything.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Pulling down her wool sweater, Kennedy turned toward the bed and ran the zipper up to the front of her jeans. Liam sat there, barely covered by the sheet. His arm rested on his raised knee and his forehead rested in his palm. He didn’t look happy. In fact, she knew that look. He was pouting. Again.

  “Why are you so quiet, Liam?” she asked.

  “I don’t understand why you can’t just pick up Mac and bring her back. We can have Christmas here. I can get more furniture, if that’s what—”

  “No you don’t, mister.” Kennedy pointed a finger at him. “I’m decorating our house. The bed is perfect, but leave the rest to me, okay? We’ll furnish this place after Christmas like we discussed. I’ve got two days to get Mac’s party ready and all the gifts wrapped. Besides, I told you mama and daddy are over there. This is a celebration. Our first Christmas with my soldier boy home.”

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  “Liam. We talked about this. We agreed.”

  “You talked and I agreed.”

  “Fine, get dressed. Come with me. Mama and daddy haven’t seen you. Mac is definitely missing you. Come on. I don’t want to leave you either.”

  “Phil’s there.” He frowned. “I think I better hang back.”

  Kennedy sighed. She looked around for her boots. “Well, I expect to see you tonight. I’ll come back if you want me to, but it might be late. I have so much to do.”

  “I’m sorry, Kay. Not trying to be a pain in your ass.”

  Kennedy laughed, pulling up one boot, then the other. “Sure you’re not.”

  “I’m not comfortable over there at his house. But I know it’s what we agreed is best for Mac. I’ll be there tomorrow. Christmas Eve. And I’ll be there Christmas. Then…well, I expect you and Ma
c to spend more time here with me, in our house.”

  “Of course.” She walked around the bed and leaned in to give him a kiss. She miscalculated his reach. He grabbed her and flipped her to her back. Pinning her down with her hands above her head, Liam gave her that hungry, lustful, look that meant her jeans and panties would be at her ankles soon. He lowered his face to run his lips along her neck. His hands went under her sweater. “Stop it! Liam! I’m serious. Stop.”

  “Let me get a little more,” he groaned. “Just a little more and I’ll let you go.”

  “No!” She bucked beneath him. “Your daughter needs me. I have to leave.”

  Liam sighed and let her rise. He was such a baby. What was he afraid of? They were back, and stronger than ever. She didn’t say it, but she felt it. He should, too. “You need a phone Liam. Take mine.” She turned in search of her purse.

  “I don’t want your phone. We got one here.”

  “Take it. I’m serious, I want to be able to reach you. I still don’t have the number to the phone here. I’ll have the line switched over to our own number.”

  “No. I’ll get a mobile today,” Liam said, ignoring the phone. “I’ll call you later with the number. I promise.”

  Kennedy stared at him for another moment. Did he think everything she had belonged to Phil? She wanted to smack him for being so bullheaded. Instead, she decided to ignore his pouting. “I want you to take my phone. This way you can call me if you need to. Here.” He accepted the phone. “What are you going to do today?”

  “I want to see Ant and Eric. Anthony’s leaving soon. I think Eric is too. I just want to talk to them both. Then I’m going to meet that doctor.”

  “Really?” Kennedy smiled.

  Liam avoided her eyes when he nodded. She wanted to hug him and baby him but she thought better of it. The fact he was going was enough. “Call me as soon as you get back home. Promise me.”

  “I will, Kay. Go ahead. Leave now or I might not let you.”

  She blew two, three, four kisses at him and hurried out with her purse and her coat in her hand. Kennedy knew what it was to be happy. She’d forgotten how much she truly enjoyed this feeling.

  Liam dressed. The place felt empty and cold without Kennedy. He tried not to focus on the separation anxiety twisting in his gut. He’d be fine. They were fine. I’m fine. The feeling of doom was just his head once again fucking with him. So he grabbed his cane and keys and left. He needed to buy Mac her puppy for Christmas. Kennedy had vetoed the idea but it was the first promise he made to his little girl. He wouldn’t go back on it. Besides, it was a hell of a lot better than some damn goldfish. Liam got in his car and drove to Eric’s place, which wasn’t far. He was relieved to see Eric’s motorcycle parked out front—and no other vehicles.

  The car door creaked open, as rusty as his limbs felt that frigid morning. Liam crossed the icy lawn carefully. Eric, on the phone, answered his knock and signaled for him to come inside. Liam did so, closing the door. He walked into the kitchen, avoiding the living room where he and Eric had fought just a day earlier.

  “I called you, brother, but you didn’t answer at the house,” Eric said.

  “I left. I got Kay’s cell phone. She insisted. What’s going on?”

  “Fuck, nothing.” Eric sighed. “That’s the problem. Had hoped to hear from the vice president’s office by now. Good news is that my orders have been pulled. Alexa can’t get rid of me just yet.” Eric winked.

  That was good news. Liam smiled. He decided to sit. Well, his body decided for him. He felt like shit. As much as he loved his sweet Kay, a night of making love to her had put strain on muscles he hadn’t used in quite some time. He was exhausted, and his body didn’t recover like it used to. Maybe he’d see if the VA hospital could sign him up for physical therapy. Of course, he’d been given the option when he was released, but he’d been too anxious to find his family to focus on therapy then.

  “What’s up with you, brother?” Eric asked.

  Liam’s eyes lifted to his friend. Back in the day Eric and Liam had worked off instinct. Most missions required silence, control, discipline; of the men in their company, he and Eric in particular had formed the ability to read each other, even in the dark. It was a weird brotherhood shared by many soldiers. Liam thought it would have diminished during the years apart. But looking into Eric’s eyes, he had to smile. Whatever magic it was, the chemistry between them remained.

  “Just working up the nerve to go see that doctor. Need you to remind me it’s the best thing. I mean the right thing.”

  “I get what you mean. I don’t have to tell you how bad PTSD is. We’ve seen it firsthand.” He cleared his throat. “You having night terrors?”

  “Every night she isn’t with me.” Liam heaved a sigh. “When I got her with me, man, in my arms, right there next to me, I’m fine. She’s what I need. Just her. Not no fucking head doctor.”

  “You can’t use Kennedy that way, Liam. You know that.”

  “Loving her isn’t using her,” he mumbled.

  “It is if you don’t get better and have a psychotic break on her. Want me to say what could happen to Kennedy and Mac—”

  “No. No. I get it. Fuck, I almost hurt her once already.”

  “What happened?”

  “I was having another black moment.” Liam sighed.

  “Explain.”

  “Sometimes, things get to be too much. Go dark. Not like I pass out or anything, just dark like it was in that shithole. Back in the desert, I had no sense of time and space, just darkness mostly. I was always thinking they were coming for me, to torture me so I was always….” He heaved a deep breath. “I was always trying to fight. Even tied up I fought, and it did no good. It’s like I was already dead and didn’t know it. I can’t explain it. So I had another one of those moments, when I’m not asleep but I’m fucked up, caught up in some darkness. Kay was in the room with me. She touched me and I grabbed her. Scared the shit out of me, Eric. I saw the way she looked at me. How terrified she was in that instant. I know I have to go. I just…I hate that she knows I need a head doctor. That I’m not whole man, not her husband.”

  “Is that how it went down at Fun World?”

  “Yes and no. I saw someone, I thought I did, but things got tough and I kind of lost it. Slipped into that state of mind. I came out of it and I’m not in the arcade anymore. I’m in some office, where I’ve wrecked the place. How Vasquez was able to contain me and keep the incident on the low, I’ll never know.”

  “You know how he did. We all know how to control a brother when he’s out of his head.”

  “This was different.”

  “You went through some major shit. You have to get some help.”

  There was more to his hesitation. Admitting weakness was one thing. But turning over his future, his sanity, to another could be risky. What if the doctor uncovered the truth? It wasn’t just night terrors. There was rage. Cold and dark and it lived in him. He liked the anger, because it was the only way he held on to his sanity. If he was angry, he was fighting.

  He could have hurt Kennedy. He attacked Eric with his cane and he still didn’t remember how it began or how he’d stopped. What if the doctor wanted to put him away? He couldn’t take that again. He’d die first before he allowed anyone to lock him up.

  “Talk to me, man.”

  Liam shrugged. “Guess I have no choice. How’s your face? You look like shit.”

  Eric sighed. “I’ll live. Let me call Ant. See if he can swing by. We can share a beer and toast to the new year coming. Sure as hell has to be better than this. You cool?”

  “Yeah, I—” Liam felt Kennedy’s phone vibrate in his pocket. He had forgotten he carried it. Strange, because she’d called him twice already just to make sure he was still out there. He tugged it out of his pocket. Eric winked and walked out of the kitchen to give him privacy. The caller ID number wasn’t familiar. He answered anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Um, w
here is Kennedy? I need to talk to her.”

  “Who is this?” Liam growled, as if he had to ask.

  “It’s Phil. I want to speak to Kennedy.”

  Liam smirked. “No.”

  “Damn it, I’m in no mood for this shit—”

  Liam ended the call and dropped the phone on the table. Eric returned with two beers, handing him one and popping the cap off the one in his hand. “Who was that?”

  “Wrong number.” Liam shrugged.

  ***

  “Hi, daddy. Hear from mama yet?” Kennedy asked. She dumped the laundry into the bin. There were a few shirts that belonged to Phil. She decided to wash the entire load; she’d fold Phil’s clothes and give them to him when she saw him on Christmas day. Maybe she should call and make sure he was coming for Christmas Eve. She felt bad about him spending the holiday alone. When her father didn’t answer she, looked up. Andrew just stood there with a wide grin. Kennedy shook her head. Her father was such a softy. She knew he was happy for her. She could see it all over his face.

  “Your mom’s still out spending my money,” said Andrew.

  Kennedy flashed a smile. When she’d arrived, Phil and Gail were both gone. She had a ton of clean up to do. First she called Liam to make sure he was okay. Then she called Liam to make sure he had the house number memorized. After feeling less guilt over leaving him, she focused on cleaning. Despite all the takeout she saw stuffed into the fridge, every dish in the house was in the sink. And Mac was whiny and complaining from the moment she walked through the door. She bartered peace with a new coloring book she’d intended to give her for Christmas. “I wish mom would have waited. We could have done our shopping together,” she said as she measured the detergent.