Before Sunrise Page 41

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “Daddy? Daddy’s here! Daddy’s here, grandpa!” Mackenzie’s usually small voice boomed through the house. She put an iron grip on Liam’s hand. He kept a tight hold to his cane as she pulled him through the door. He could barely manage the first few steps, she was so insistent.

  It was early. He and Kennedy thought they’d have another hour or so before she woke. Liam liked the idea of waking her himself, just as he did the night the three of them stayed together. But it was not to be this Christmas Eve. She grinned up at him in her red Rudolph footie pajamas. When he smiled it ignited such joy in her that she began bouncing as if springs were attached to the soles of her feet. Unconditional love was the best medicine. He wanted to carry that happiness Mackenzie exuded with him always.

  Liam glanced back over his shoulder for help. Sally and Kennedy followed. They both wore the same smile, seeing what he saw.

  “Daddy’s here!” Mackenzie yelled until her voice went hoarse.

  “We hear you, sweetheart.” Gail rounded the corner. She dried her hands with a checkered dishtowel. Their eyes met. Liam was surprised at how little she’d changed. Even her hair was styled as he remembered. Harper, who was placing plates on the table, looked up, then away. Liam made a mental note to pull her aside sometime that morning and apologize. Profusely. Eric walked out of the den. He’d gotten there fast. Early that morning, Kennedy called Eric and staring directly into Liam’s eyes, had made it clear he would join them for Christmas Eve, both breakfast and dinner.

  It reminded him of the early time in his marriage. So many of his brothers were without families or wives during the holidays. Kennedy was the best hostess, cooking for and feeding every stray he brought through the door. Not that she belonged in the kitchen, but he took a lot of pride in the fact his young bride knew how to care for her man. He missed those times. Now the house was filled with smiling faces and decorated to match the Christmas spirit, and it didn’t quite feel the same.

  “Merry Christmas.” Liam greeted the family.

  “Merry Christmas, Liam.” Gail gave him a quick hug. It was over before Liam could return her affection.

  “Hi Liam,” Harper said softly.

  “Merry Christmas, brother.” Eric nodded.

  “What’s all the ruckus about? Well, well, look who’s risen from the dead.” Andrew gave a burly laugh as he emerged from the back of the house. He didn’t seem as tall as Liam remembered, but not much else had changed, except for a bit of graying at the temples. He pushed past the others and pulled Liam into a tight hug. Liam felt his eyes go wide under the pressure of the linebacker squeeze. Mackenzie squealed with excitement. She hugged both her father’s and grandfather’s legs, considering herself part of the reunion. His baby girl howled when Kennedy pulled her off by the shoulders.

  Liam gave a nervous laugh. He’d received a warm welcome from everyone, yet he felt the urge to break free of the cheer. He didn’t want special treatment. He would have enjoyed just walking in and no one taking notice at all. Kennedy, Sally, Andrew, Eric, and reluctantly, Harper circled him, a tight round of questioning, staring, almost gawking faces. He focused on Andrew only. He had missed the old man. A lot. Andrew had the kind of temperament that calmed anyone he was around.

  “I couldn’t wait to see for myself. Look at you. Got my baby girl grinning from ear to ear,” he said.

  “It’s good to see you too, Andrew.” Liam said. He hid the stab of guilt that pierced his chest for delaying this reunion. Kennedy was right. He should have come sooner.

  “All right, everyone, it’s time for breakfast,” Gail announced.

  Mackenzie was now in Sally’s arms. There was so much commotion and activity around Liam at first he thought everyone spoke at once. The raised voices echoed in his skull.

  He tried to focus. Mackenzie giggled, Andrew hit him with question after question, and Harper pouted, waiting for him to acknowledge her. His eyes moved from face to face. Everyone then joined the conversation at once after someone told a joke. Kennedy’s laughter rang out, almost as if she were pointing and laughing at him.

  Liam swallowed stiffly and double blinked. Air didn’t fill his lungs, as it should have. Was Kennedy laughing at him? Then he saw Andrew laughing, Eric laughing. Harper kept glaring. And they all stood very close to him. So close he felt the itch to push and shove at them and break free.

  “Yeah, um, excuse me,” he said turning away. There was a bathroom on the lower level. Hearing Mackenzie calling his name but unable to respond, he hurried on his cane for the door. Once behind it he inhaled deeply. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed perspiration covered his face. He looked red, nervous. He closed his eyes and counted down his anxiety until felt numb all over.

  “Is he okay?” Andrew asked.

  Kennedy frowned.

  “Looks like he’s going to have another flip-out moment,” Harper snipped.

  Kennedy shot her sister a warning look. Harper lowered her eyes. She then noticed her mother frowning toward the door that Liam had slipped behind. She forced a smile to her face and voice. “Everybody go to the table. He’s fine. I’ll check on him.”

  “He doesn’t look fine to me,” Gail said.

  “My son is fine,” Sally snapped.

  “Please don’t start. It’s Christmas Eve,” Kennedy reminded them both.

  “Tell daddy to come and eat mommy, “ said Mackenzie.

  “I will, sweetie. Now everyone go to the table. We’ll be there in a moment.”

  Her sister turned and walked off. Eric touched Kennedy’s shoulder. “Are you sure he’s okay? Maybe this is too fast, too soon.”

  “No. No. He was excited this morning. He just, well he’s okay. I’ll get him. Go sit down and have some breakfast.” Kennedy hurried after Liam. She tried the doorknob. He hadn’t locked it. When she stepped inside his head lifted and their eyes met in the bathroom mirror.

  “You feeling all right, baby?”

  “Ah yeah. Got a little dizzy. Must be the morning…not used to—never mind. I’m fine.”

  Liam turned and she knew differently. It hurt to see him pretend. Didn’t he know by now that with her he didn’t have to? She battled over whether she should call him on it. When he stepped to her she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a lasting kiss. It was all she knew to do. He bumped her forehead with his and patted her rump.

  “Let’s go eat. I miss your mother’s cooking.”

  “Liam.”

  “C’mon,” he said.

  Liam reached around her and opened the bathroom door, then walked her backward out of it. They returned to the dining room. Immediately Mackenzie complained she wanted to sit next to him. Liam gestured for her, who hurried around the table and climbed onto his lap. Kennedy sat close, choosing the chair to his left. She tried not to notice how her mother stared at Liam. She silently prayed that he didn’t notice. Maybe she was wrong to throw him into the family so fast. She should have called off Christmas and let it be just the three of them. That was what he needed, what he’d actually asked for. Damn it, why hadn’t she even considered his wishes?

  “So, how are you?” her mother asked.

  “I’m taking it a day at a time,” Liam said.

  “We were all shocked when it was on the news. But all of us were happy to hear about you coming home. All of us,” Andrew emphasized.

  Kennedy sighed. There was evident tension at the table. So she focused on the friendly face across from her. “Eric, did you hear what Sally gave Liam for Christmas?”

  Eric stopped mid-chew. He looked up from his plate. “No, what?”

  “Maxine.” Liam laughed.

  “No shit…um, sorry, ladies. No way. You still got her?” he swallowed.

  Sally nodded. “Kept her for him. You should have seen his face when he saw her. He drove us over today. It’s outside.”

  “Who’s Maxine, daddy?” Mackenzie asked, and everyone laughed.

  Kennedy relaxed. Liam began
to tell their daughter about his favorite car and others shared memories of Liam and Maxine. Even Harper joined in the conversation. Maybe Kennedy was worrying for nothing. She would have thought so until she caught the look on her mother’s face. It broke her heart. In that moment everything became clear. Nothing for Gail had changed. For Gail, there was no blessed event. Liam’s resurrection was still a curse in her mother’s eyes.

  Liam’s attention switched once again from the television screen to the photographic evidence of Kennedy’s life for the past five years. Pictures of the Freeman family crowded the bookshelves and were arranged carefully on the walls of the den. Phil’s snarky smile and mocking eyes watched over him as he sat in the one chair he recognized, the one he and Kennedy had bought together for their first real apartment. Even so, he was watching Phil’s blaring widescreen TV. Probably drinking from Phil’s favorite mug.

  “Touchdown!” Andrew yelled.

  Eric began to groan. Both men started arguing again over the quarterback: one man believed him the gift to college football, while the other felt he lacked a good throwing arm. Liam tried to settle into the game, to follow the players or even join in the ribbing. But he was lost. He didn’t know shit about the teams now. He felt uncomfortable pretending he did.

  The truth was, he didn’t need to.

  There was something else gnawing at him. The phantom car chase he’d been in last night. Had he really seen the car? Did he chase something in his head? He itched to unload with his boy. But a sour dread stifled his courage. He still remembered the questioning look Vasquez gave him after the incident at Fun World. Eric had believed him, or said he did. But what if he’d been wrong? He shifted down in the chair and settled into his misery.

  The ladies were in the kitchen, preparing the rest of Christmas Eve dinner. He could hear laughter, then Mackenzie crying over something she was denied. Every now and then, his mother would peek in at him. He hated the way she kept her eyes trained on him, as if he needed to be watched, or worse, protected. But he didn’t say so. He just clenched his fist and gave her what he hoped were reassuring smiles.

  From out of nowhere Mackenzie ran into the den. Her mother had changed her into a jean skirt with a red and green long-sleeved shirt. She stopped between his legs, hopping up and down with her hands to his knees.

  “Daddy, wanna come play with me?”

  “Play, huh?”

  “Sure, I got lots of stuff we can do. Mama said to come ask you. She won’t let me cook.” Mackenzie poked out her bottom lip.

  Kennedy had managed to know his needs before he did. Playing with Mackenzie was exactly what the doctor ordered. “Can you help daddy up?” he asked.

  “Un huh.” She took his hand and pulled with all her might. Liam managed to rise. Eric and Andrew kept arguing over the game, barely noticing him as he left. He let his daughter guide him back through the house. He glanced over to the kitchen. He could see Kennedy arguing with her mother as Sally looked on. The women spoke in hushed tones, but Kennedy seemed the most agitated. Gail stood solid, with her arms crossed. When he passed, Kennedy looked over and so did Gail and Sally. She tried to smile away the meaning of the scene, but he just turned away. It was evident things between him and Gail hadn’t changed.

  “I got a new puzzle. See?” Mackenzie said.

  Liam was led to Phil’s Christmas tree. He stared at it for a moment. Again despite logic and reason, his chest tightened with envy. Even the damn tree looked better than the oversized one he and his had daughter decorated.

  “Hi, Mac. Can I help too?” Harper asked.

  Liam met Harper’s eyes as he lowered to the floor. She asked the question of Mackenzie but stared directly at him, as if she wanted his permission.

  “Sure, you can help.” Mackenzie shrugged. “I want daddy to fix the puzzle. You can hold the box. Here.” Mackenzie shoved the box at Harper.

  Harper smiled. Liam did so as well. She dropped down next to Mackenzie, placing the box of puzzle pieces in her lap. His daughter was quite the drill sergeant. She barked off orders to him about the Barbie puzzle and how best to find the right pieces. Then passed him two that obviously didn’t match. When his kid sister was alive, he couldn’t afford the toys he thought she deserved. The best he could get for her, after stealing a few dollars from his mother’s purse, were puzzles and coloring books. He watched his daughter’s mannerisms, and saw the spark of excitement light her face when he put a few of the pieces together. He could see his sister’s spirit in Mackenzie. He marveled at this little girl made from love.

  “So um, how you doing, Liam?” Harper asked.

  “My daddy is fine.” Mackenzie answered for him. “Here daddy, try this one.”

  Liam winked at Harper.

  “Be right back, daddy, I think I got a extra piece in my room.” Mackenzie shot up and bolted for the stairs. Harper nervously cleared her throat. She lifted her gaze to him and he met her stare dead on.

  “I guess, well maybe we should talk, about things,” Harper offered.

  “I am sorry, for everything. I never meant to hurt you, Eric…I was wrong to do what I did,”

  Liam said. Mackenzie came running back over waving a puzzle piece. He helped her set down a pink square and avoided his sister in-law’s piercing stare when he spoke. He’d been a jackass for not calling her and apologizing sooner. Liam cleared his throat after discovering Harper continued to focus solely on him. “Am I forgiven?” He peeked up at her, and caught the slight twitch at the corner of her mouth as she suppressed a smile. “You know I’ve missed you too, squirrel.”

  Harper laughed softly at the mention of her pet name. Mackenzie laughed, too. “That’s funny, daddy. Auntie ain’t a squirrel.”

  Liam reached over and tickled his daughter’s side. “When she was your age, she was a squirrel. She could climb trees, move so fast, and, oh, she loved nuts.”

  “Really?”

  Harper nodded. “Yep, I sure did. And trees, I could climb the tallest. Your daddy could never catch me.”

  “Oh, that’s so funny.” Mackenzie grinned.

  There were several scattered pieces before his little girl. Liam helped arrange them, trying to help her make the right choices, and he smiled when Mackenzie forced the wrong ones to fit.

  “Liam?” Harper said.

  “Hmm?”

  “Of course I forgive you. I um, understand. I missed you so much over the years. So very much. I love you.”

  He glanced up. His heart swelled and he couldn’t help but grin at Harper. She leaned in and kissed his jaw and he felt his face flame with a blush.

  “Give me a kiss too, daddy.” Mackenzie puckered up.

  He leaned over and kissed her.

  Mackenzie shot Harper a triumphant smirk.

  Liam and Harper laughed to themselves and focused on the puzzle with Mackenzie. After a few seconds, Harper spoke up again. “Thing is, um, about Eric…”

  “What about him?” Liam passed another rectangular piece to Mackenzie and pointed to where she should place it.

  “Eric thinks he’s too old for me.”

  “I agree.”

  “I don’t,” Harper said firmly.

  Liam met Harper’s stare, her face so much like Kennedy’s. She lowered them shyly when he narrowed his eyes on her. “What I mean is, um, when you love someone, age shouldn’t matter. You should know that more than anyone, Liam. He’s struggling with his feelings for me and I think that’s because of your friendship. It’s not fair. I accepted you and Kennedy from day one. How can you not accept us?”

  “Daddy! That doesn’t fit!” Mackenzie groaned. She dug into the box on Harper’s lap and forced more pieces on him.

  Liam tried to summon the correct words and failed. The idea of Eric and Harper made him sick. He was beginning to understand why. In some perverse way, the whole thing would be his fault. He’d worked hard to win over Harper’s love and affection. She had been just a kid, and impressionable. He’d done his level best to convince her tha
t his desires for her sister were normal, maybe even chivalrous. She probably spent years imagining a relationship with an older man. How could he not feel guilt over that? He had to protect her, even from herself.

  “Liam, I love him.”

  “Let’s not talk about it,” he rasped.

  “I want you to be okay with us, because—”

  “Us?” he snapped. “There’s no ‘us’! It’s over!”

  Mackenzie gasped. Harper glared at him for a moment with such disappointment and hurt it burned. Liam tried to smile at the girls. But the mere act made his face feel tight and his jaw twitch.

  “What’s wrong, daddy?” Mackenzie asked, her eyes pooling with tears.

  “Nothing. I’m sorry, kiddo.” He looked to Harper. “Let’s not talk about it now. Okay?”

  “Right, because everything has to be done your way.”

  Harper dropped the box and rose from the floor. She hovered over them as if she would say something else but possibly thought better of it because of Mackenzie. She stomped off. Kennedy appeared. She looked after her sister, then to Liam for an explanation. Mackenzie rose and rushed her mother’s legs, whining that her father was mad—again.

  Liam couldn’t win. “I think I’m going to go for a drive,” he said, struggling to rise from the floor.

  “No, don’t go. I’ll join you with daddy and Eric in the den. Don’t you want to watch the game?”

  Liam ignored her. If he didn’t get out of Phil’s house he was sure to fuck up. “I won’t be long.”

  “Don’t go,” Kennedy said. She blocked him in.

  “I have to. I need a minute. I’ll come back. I swear.”

  “Don’t go, daddy.” Mackenzie said softly. “I’ll be good. You can do the puzzle yourself. I don’t mind.”

  “No, no, no, squirt, don’t be upset. You didn’t do anything wrong. I love the puzzle, just like I love you.” He smiled and kissed her cheek. “You girls enjoy the family time. Give me a chance to clear my head. I’m fine.”