Before Sunrise Page 43

  “Shit!”

  He suffered a couple of gut punches that should have had him vomiting. Thing was, the pain felt normal. He kicked the guy in the nuts, letting the other hold him up, then threw off the other jerk by falling toward the pool table. There he grabbed a pool stick, now his weapon of choice, and proceeded to beat the next attacker back with thick end, and the next. He was caught off guard by another biker who threw him on the pool table. The backward slam scattered the billiards. Eric hooked his arm around the snarling bastard and dragged him off while Liam caught his next wind. His back and head were tight with welcome pain. Beer bottles flew along with chairs. Eric grabbed him from the pool table and helped him stand.

  “You cool?”

  “Yeah, I’m cool.” Liam grinned. He wanted more.

  “Let’s go.”

  “No! Let’s not!” Liam grabbed a chair and broke it over another guy’s back, then threw himself into the fray. Eric had to carry him out.

  ***

  Kennedy sat next to the empty chair her husband should have occupied and stared at the bowl of mashed potatoes. Everyone at the table shared a tense silence. She’d worked hard on preparing the perfect dinner. She delayed dinner for as long as she could. Liam wasn’t answering his calls. Neither was Eric. His absence cut her deep.

  “Sweetheart, maybe we should say grace.” Gail spoke in a gentle voice.

  Kennedy pressed her lips together to stop them from quivering. Her eyes welled with tears. She couldn’t hide her hurt and disappointment, which slowly shifted between fear that he was out there hurt or in an accident, to anger at the idea Liam would choose today, this reunion, to disappoint her this way.

  “Mama, I’m hungry.”

  Kennedy glanced up. Mackenzie poked out her bottom lip.

  “Okay, baby.” She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Her father winked at her. “Daddy, will you say blessing?”

  Andrew extended his hand. Everyone grabbed hands and bowed their heads. Her father’s strong voice filled the room. Kennedy added another line to prayer. One of thanks and hope that Liam and she would find a way to be the family her heart desired.

  The door to the house opened, then slammed. Kennedy’s head shot up. So did the eyes of everyone seated. Her father’s prayer of thanks quieted, then stopped. Liam and Eric could be heard laughing as they marched through the front of the house toward the dining room.

  They stopped cold at the scene before them. Kennedy took them both in. Eric’s jacket was ripped on one sleeve; he had a cut over his left eye. Liam’s face was far worse: his nose red and swollen, lips split, drops of blood on his shirt. He looked like a walking disaster. Kennedy rose from her seat. Panicked, she hurried to him. “What happened? Oh God, were you in an accident?”

  “Liam?” Sally rose in alarm.

  “What happened, Eric?” Harper rushed toward him, racing up behind Kennedy.

  Neither of the men spoke and it was then Kennedy smelled the beer on them. Liam reeked, as if he were doused in it. Kennedy knew that smell. Not just drinking. But the times when locals and the enlisted men would get into stupid fights at bars or on basketball courts. Where beer bottles were used as weapons and her man came home pumped with wild adrenaline, smelling like some kind of animal. She hated those days, just as she hated it now.

  Kennedy stepped back, crossing her arms. She wouldn’t disguise the hurt and disappointment she felt. She could barely keep from putting her hands around his throat.

  “I’m all right, Kay.”

  “Where were you?”

  Eric pushed Harper aside, shaking his head no as a warning to her. “It’s my fault Kennedy, I—”

  “I asked my husband the question, not you!” Kennedy shook her head sadly. “Tell me the truth. You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

  “I took him to the bar, blame me.”

  “Oh shut up, Eric!” she glared at her husband. “He can handle himself. Right, Liam?” She stepped closer to him. “Your daughter, who has been waiting for you, is hungry. Do you think you can manage to join her for dinner?”

  “I’m sorry, babe.”

  “Of course you are.” She walked away. She was barely able to stand next to him without wanting to scream, but she did.

  How could he humiliate me like this?

  “Daddy, want to open my presents after dinner?” Mackenzie asked, grinning from across the table.

  “We have to wait for Santa, right?” Liam winked.

  “Excuse me.” Kennedy couldn’t make herself go back to the table, not even for the sake of Mackenzie. She went for the stairs. Christmas Eve was ruined. Christmas would probably be more of the same.

  Liam followed, but Kennedy was motivated, and he was a little drunk, with a bum leg. It took him time to get up the stairs. He paused outside of her room to take a deep breath before venturing in. Kennedy stood near the window, staring through it. She refused to acknowledge him. “Can I come in?”

  “No. I don’t want to see you.”

  Liam stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He could barely turn to address her before she was in his face. “How could you do this? How could you go get drunk on Christmas Eve, and—and get into a bar fight? Don’t you dare say it’s this house or Phil, because that’s a lie, Liam! Do you hear me? I know why you did it. Because it’s easier to hurt yourself than…than be with me. I’m not going to let you keep punishing me!”

  “Kay, this wasn’t about you.”

  “Right. Of course it isn’t. You haven’t put Mac or me first since you walked through the door. Everything has been about you!” she shouted, straining her voice. Immediately she regretted it. She covered her mouth, panting, shocked and embarrassed by an outburst that was certainly heard downstairs.

  “You’re right,” Liam offered.

  “I’m right? That’s all you can say?” She lowered her hand.

  “I fucked up, babe. I’m sorry. Things got out of control and I…I have no excuse. I swear to you it’s out of my system. C’mon sweetheart, it’s me. Give me another chance here. Please?”

  “Do you want me to stop trusting you? Is that it?”

  “Hell, no. You’re all I got in this world. I couldn’t stand it if you stopped believing in us. It’s time I proved my commitment to you guys. I will.”

  “I’m tired. I’m too exhausted to stay angry and too hurt to forgive you. I need space. Go see Mac. Dinner, everybody’s waiting, go. I need to be alone.”

  Liam’s hand closed on her arm and drew her forward. She came up bodily against him, and her head went back. “Fight with me.”

  “What?” Kennedy tried to pull free.

  “I need to hear you say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “Say whatever it is you’re holding back from me. Everything you’ve wanted to say but haven’t. Fight with me. Let’s get it out so we can move past it.”

  “We fought, remember? I got the broken mirror to prove it.”

  “No. That was different. That was me being a jealous jerk and you defending yourself. I’m sinking Kay, and admit it, sweetheart, you’ve been pretending not to notice.”

  “Not true! I’m here, I’m trying.”

  “Shh….” He grabbed both sides of her face. “Shh,” he repeated, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know you have, babe. But it’s not working for you, for either of us. You’re angry with me. Not about the bar fight, not really. It’s me, this, all of it. Tell the truth.”

  “Let me go, Liam.” She twisted free. He released her.

  “Talk to me.”

  “Why?” She shouted at him, throwing her hands up in defeat. “So I can inflict more pain on you. Why do you want me to hurt you?”

  “I want your love, not your pity. I can’t stand you holding back because you feel sorry for me. That’s everyone downstairs. All of them watching me limp back into their lives with pity. Every time you hold back I feel it. You don’t trust me anymore.”

  “Oh Liam, stop. I don’t want to
do this with you. We’ve been together a few days and already we’re fighting. No.”

  “Babe, it’s me.” He touched her. “Stop pretending that things are fine, dammit!”

  Kennedy whirled on him. “How dare you say that to me! I’m here with you trying to show you that you’re not alone. Do you feel that? Do you see me? Really see me? Forget what you lost. What about what’s been waiting for you? What about that little girl who thinks you’re her miracle, who’s dying to know you? This isn’t me pretending, this is me being patient and understanding, and you’re taking it all for granted.” Kennedy stepped back. He’d never seen her more angry. “Want to know what I feel now? This very moment? I tell you. I feel lost.”

  “Me too.”

  “Then great! Finally we agree.”

  Liam looked away. They stood in a tense silence for a moment before Kennedy spoke again. “We’re different. I’m different now. I don’t know what to trust between us anymore, Liam, especially when you keep scaring the hell out of me. Hitting Eric, then a bar fight. That’s just twenty-four hours in your life. What’s next?”

  He glanced up. She placed both hands over her eyes. He watched her struggle to control the tremor in her voice. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but so have I. Not once have you asked me what it took…what I went through when—when they said you were dead. You have no idea how bad it was. The nightmares, the pain, the anxiety, the regret, and the loneliness, Liam. I’ve never been so lonely in my life.”

  “I do have an idea, Kay.”

  She glanced up. Her heart split in two. “Of course you do. I only meant…I don’t know what I meant. It’s Christmas Eve and it could’ve been so good between us tonight. If you’d tried. You didn’t even try.”

  “Every day I’m trying. It’s not you, and it’s not just this place, it’s me. Something is broke inside of me Kay, and it scares the hell out of me. What if I can’t fix it? What if it gets in between us and I lose you? What then?”

  They stood in her bedroom in silence. It was true. There was something else in him that she didn’t understand, something she couldn’t reach. “I want my husband back, my best friend, but you have to let me in. Even if what you’re feeling scares you, I can take it.”

  He reached for her but she sidestepped his touch.

  “Go downstairs, have dinner with everyone. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  “Kay, babe, don’t shut me out.”

  She stepped back and pointed at the door. “Go.”

  He sighed. She watched him leave, before her conviction collapsed and tears began to well in the corners of her eyes. Kennedy released a deep sigh and turned away from the door.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Christmas Eve was a bust. Despite the tension between them, he and Kennedy tried to salvage the evening. Though uncomfortable, they managed the stares of others at the table who thought they weren’t aware. Together they endured the sly quips and barbs exchanged between Gail and Sally. Kennedy managed to remain extremely patient with a cranky little four-year-old, who kept insisting she be allowed to open a present from under the tree. Liam even swallowed a few bites of food and initiated small talk with Gail about her cooking. He found himself constantly seeking excuses to ask Kennedy a question, a reason to reach across her for something on the table. When she smiled at something Mackenzie said, Liam grew bolder and eased his hand under the table to her thigh. Thankfully she didn’t knock away his touch. But she didn’t acknowledge him either. He really hated being ignored.

  Once dinner ended, Kennedy and Sally began to clean, and the rest of the family drifted away. Gail volunteered to give Mackenzie a bath and put her to bed. Eric and Harper headed for the den, but soon slipped out the front door. Liam hoped it was to have the talk that would save them both a lot of grief.

  That left Liam behind. The urge to leave overcame him but he suppressed it. He wasn’t going anywhere until he and Kennedy finished their talk. So he found himself alone in the living room next to the Christmas tree. He brooded over their argument, particularly over the things his beloved didn’t say. The looming threat that scared the hell out of him could become a sobering reality. Each time he stumbled, he feared she doubted their future. Gone was the spark when he looked into her eyes this evening. What he saw there was a dull sadness that eroded all the beautiful things they’d shared with each other since he returned. How did he manage to royally fuck everything up in one night? He was going to lose her if he didn’t fix the thing in him he didn’t understand. He felt it.

  “Can I join you?” Andrew asked.

  Liam glanced up. “Sure.”

  Andrew lowered his tall frame into the sofa chair across from him. He had his pipe in his hand. He looked prepared to sit whether the invitation was extended or not. Other than Andrew, Liam didn’t know a man, black or white, who smoked from a pipe. He watched his father in-law pack the tiny briarwood chimney with tobacco from a small leather pouch he kept in his front shirt pocket. Then he lit the stack. The pungent smoke blew from his wide nostrils and filled the air. Liam relaxed, or pretended to as they both settled into a comfortable silence.

  “So how are you?” Andrew eventually asked.

  “Good. I mean I’m okay,” he said, wiping his sweaty palms down the tops of his thighs. “And you?”

  Andrew smiled. “Best Christmas ever.”

  The response made Liam grimace. He was just thinking the exact opposite. He forced what he hoped looked like a smile to his face. “I have to say, I really did miss you, Andrew.”

  Andrew gave a curt nod. “Same here. Damn near gave me a heat attack when I saw it on the news. Still can’t believe you’re sitting in this room. To see you and Kennedy together makes me so happy.”

  Liam sighed. “Me too.”

  He glanced toward the kitchen area. He didn’t see Kennedy, but he heard her, slamming pots and cleaning. Sally came out with two beers. She offered one to Andrew who declined, saying something about his blood pressure, which the pipe certainly couldn’t be helping. Liam’s mouth watered at the sight of the frosty green bottle. He could go for a beer to smooth out his anxiety. He declined. It was best he ease back on the booze. His lady had taken notice of his nasty habit and thus alcohol was marked off his list.

  “How’s Kay?” he asked Sally. His mother just shrugged and turned away.

  Had he passed the test? Had Kennedy sent out a beer to see if he’d drink it? Liam groaned inwardly. He wished he could throw his lady over his shoulder and take her to his place. Lock the doors and let her yell and scream at him until she was in his arms again telling him how wonderful he was. Selfish maybe, but he could go for it right now. He needed to feel her.

  “Guess she’s a little pissed, huh?” Andrew asked.

  “I ruined Christmas Eve. She has a right to be angry.”

  Andrew removed his pipe from his dark, thin lips. He exhaled two streams of smoke from his nostrils. “She’s strong.”

  Liam nodded. “I know. I love her so much. I just…I want…I want her to be okay.”

  “You don’t think she is?”

  Liam tried to decide if he could speak from his heart. With Andrew, he knew he could. “She started a new life without me. She could again if she wanted to. Guess I always feared she’d wake one day and not need me—and she did.”

  Andrew nodded. “You two married young.”

  “She grew up in our marriage,” Liam said, averting his gaze from the hard stare Andrew gave him. Another dose of guilt made his palms sweat even more. He could feel the moist heat of perspiration gathering on his brow.

  “She grew up outside of your marriage too,” Andrew stated, without a hint of mockery.

  “I guess that makes me a real asshole. Wanting to come home and find her the same as she was when I left.”

  Andrew shook his head. “No. It makes you human.”

  “Why do you like me, Andrew?” Liam asked. “I took her from you. I know Gail can’t forgive me. I just never understood why you could.
In fact, I never understood why you didn’t call the police on me when you arrived in Texas.”

  Andrew stuck his pipe in his mouth and sat there for a moment, staring. For several tense minutes Liam wondered if his father-in-law had heard the question. Then Andrew withdrew his pipe and spoke. “I didn’t like you, Liam. At first. What father would? She was my princess. I never even considered she’d be anything but my baby girl. I thought you saw her naïveté and exploited it. But I changed my mind about that.”

  “When?”

  “When what?” Andrew asked.

  “When did you change your mind?” Liam pressed, as if he didn’t believe the story.

  “The day I came to the diner and you sat across from me as a man.”

  “You did?” Liam frowned. He always believed the threats he and Kennedy had made after their talk in the diner were the turning point.

  “You told me about the SEALs, remember? The program. How tough it was, and how the benefits would protect Kennedy. You were willing to sign your life over to your country to protect her, to love her. That’s why I made sure things worked out.”

  “You what?” Liam gasped.

  Andrew gave him a knowing smile. “Son, how do you think you got accepted into George Mason?”

  Liam blinked at him, shocked. He'd taken the entrance exams, sent for his transcripts. He thought they'd taken pity on him and let him in. He never guessed Andrew’s involvement. Even now he wasn’t sure how his father in-law managed it. He’d gone to Yale. But he was a good man, and a powerful man, so it seemed plausible.

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” Liam sighed. “I’ll be damned.”

  Andrew continued. “I had hoped when you went to BUD/s, she’d come home and finish school. She went off to William and Mary, and that made me even prouder.”

  “She’s smart,” Liam said.

  “Yes, she is. I’m her father, I wanted her to be my little girl, but I knew those days had gone. Kennedy is like me. She thinks, lives, and breathes with her heart. And you were in her heart. You called me when you were in trouble, then stood your ground. As incredible as it sounds, I respected you for that. It eased some of my fears.”