Before Sunrise Read online

  “No, Liam. He was more than just there. He made me face the pain instead of trying to coddle me. He was tough on me when I needed him to be and a friend on most days to understand when I just needed space. Phil was an important part of my healing process and my life, and it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ve been really cruel to him. That’s going to stop. I care about him—deeply. Part of me always will.”

  Liam went silent. She sucked in a deep breath. Honesty burned on her tongue and she felt it charging the air. But she wanted her husband back, so he would have to accept the good and the bad.

  “Things with us Kay, I—”

  “I feel lost.” She cut in on him. “And that scares me, Liam. I’m different, you’re different, and I just want us to be like we were. I’m scared we can’t be.”

  Liam nodded. “That’s how I feel. Lost.”

  He turned off the road and drove into the empty parking lot of a closed convenience store.

  “I love you, Liam. I’ll go to hell and back with you, I just want…I need you to be with me, and not just physically. What I’m saying is every day since you’ve returned I crave what he shared before a war came between us. Yes, the passion is there but we’re missing something else. I know you feel it. I know it scares you and it scares me, too. If we don’t work hard at believing in each other again we’ll lose everything. Does that make sense?”

  Liam nodded. “It does. The doctor told me about the process I’ll need to go through. He said I have rage issues. He said there would be moments that I won’t be able to differentiate between today and the past. Kay, my training Kay is to be strong, and that shit I’ve seen and done in the service I keep locked tight in me. Always. But I’m a civilian again—or will be. I have to function day to day as your man, not the SEAL I’ve been for the past eight years. I guess I thought I’d take you and my baby girl and it would be okay. We’d start again. The thing is, it’ll take years of therapy for me to learn how. So I’ll fuck up, babe. I might fuck up so bad that you’ll think it’s the end of us.” He looked over at her. “But I won’t give up on us. I’ll do everything they tell me to. Just say you won’t give up on me either.”

  Kennedy exhaled. She reached over and took his hand and put it to her breast. “Let’s get something straight. If I’m angry, disappointed, sad, none of it means I’ll give up. I’ll never give up on you either. I never have.”

  Liam leaned over and captured her lips. This kiss was full of promises. just like the ones he’d made on their wedding night. “Does it hurt?” she asked, tilting her mouth away, and touching his split upper lip gently with her index finger.

  “Only when we kiss,” he smirked.

  “Then let me give you your punishment,” she said, kissing him deeply.

  ***

  April 1995

  “Come closer, Mrs. Flanagan. Mmmm, yes. Right here, babe.”

  Liam dragged her to the center of the bed. She was worn out. But the heat of his body flush against her back felt so arousing she wouldn’t deny him. Both his arms around her kept her locked to him. He held her by the waist with his left hand and used the other to cup her breast under the covers. For several long minutes he fondled her nipple while his erection pressed hard against her backside. Kennedy couldn’t stand it a minute longer. She stretched and rolled so they could be face to face, nose to nose. She threw her thigh over his, tangling their bodies together and he smacked her lightly on the ass.

  “I thought you would let me get some sleep.” She half-yawned.

  To her delight, he surprised her with a roll to her back. Her thighs parted and she cinched them tightly around his waist. He hovered above her. “I need to say my vows.”

  “Vows? We already did.” Kennedy frowned.

  Liam moved his hips and his erection rubbed against her sensitive bud. Her eyes nearly fluttered shut. She gripped his nape and lifted her pelvis, wanting him to do her again. It was too soon. His erection was mild compared to what would happen when he was fully aroused. They’d already had sex twice that morning.

  “You listening, babe?” He asked.

  “Mmm….” She moaned.

  “I, Liam Henry Flanagan, take thee Kennedy Michelle….”

  Her lids parted and her breath hitched in her throat under the intense stare he fixed upon her. With a serious, determined look on his face, he continued. “To be my lawful wedded wife. This is my vow. I promise to love you when things get tough. I promise to love you when things are easy. I promise that you will never regret being my wife. Never. I vow to be the faithful and good husband you deserve.”

  “That is so beautiful,” Kennedy said in awe.

  Liam smiled. “It was, wasn’t it?”

  Kennedy pushed him off and flipped over on top of his chest, straddling him. Liam put his arms behind his head. “It’s my turn,” she said.

  “Go ahead, babe. I’m listening.”

  She sucked in a deep breath that made her breasts heave. Liam licked his lips instead of the tips of her nipples, as she would have preferred. “I, Kennedy ‘Kay’ Michelle Flanagan, vow from this day forth to be the best wife, best mother, best friend and um, lover to the most wonderful man that God has sent me. I promise to not get all bratty when you go to school and through training. And oh, I promise to always make sure you remember what’s waiting for you whenever you come home.”

  “That’s beautiful, babe.”

  “Stop, Liam, don’t mess with my nipples. I’m not done.” She knocked his hands from her breasts.

  “Kay, you’ll be saying these vows forever. Come here.” He pulled her down to him. “Give me a kiss, a final promise, and we will be together.”

  “Forever, Liam?”

  “Forever.”

  Kennedy kissed him softly. She felt the strength of that promise on his lips. It tasted sweet, and hopeful. It tasted like a new life. Hers and his.

  “I want a baby,” she announced, lifting her head. “A little girl. We can name her Mackenzie, after your sister.”

  “Yes. We’ll call her Mac.” Liam ran his hand down her spine as she rested her face on his chest.

  “She’ll have your smarts and my smile.”

  “She’ll be beautiful and talented just like you, babe.”

  “Let’s make a baby tonight. On our wedding night.” She looked hopefully into his eyes.

  “Not yet. You know the promise I made to your dad. School first. Then we’ll start our family.” He cupped her face. “But soon. Our own family.”

  “And don’t forget the mini-van!” Kennedy exclaimed.

  Liam laughed. “I won’t.”

  Chapter Twenty-four

  “It’s getting late.” Kennedy said against his lips, pressing hers gently, sweetly, against the pair she couldn’t get enough of. The urge to slip him some more tongue and recapture the passion he evoked in his apology was strong, but she resisted. Her fingertips brushed his jaw in remembrance. She freely admitted that making up with Liam was the best kind of love. “We have a big day tomorrow.”

  “Christmas, Mac’s Party?” He nodded.

  She sat back, but kept her eyes on him. “You need me tonight? I can um, go home with you.”

  Liam smiled. He started the car, threw the gearshift into reverse. “First I need to say something.”

  “We’ve said enough.”

  “Hear me out.” He cleared his throat. The GTO idled at the edge of the road. He exhaled deeply and returned his gaze to her. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry all the way back to my calling you a bitch. I don’t even know who that man was that said those things. I’m sorry for crashing through your life and hurting you, for scaring Mac and Harper. I apologize for leaving you on Christmas Eve to face the family without me. I’m sorry for Phil. For not respecting…um, understanding what you two share. I mean, I wasn’t here. And he um, he’s your friend. So yeah. I’m sorry for not respecting that. I guess what I mean to say is I want a do-over. I’m here, Kay. Underneath the anger and disillusionment, I’m right here babe.”


  “I forgive you and you forgive me. Now we’ll be okay.” She leaned over and hugged him. He hugged her back. “Take me home. Let’s go back to our place and sleep. Wake up and get to the house early so we can be there with Mac on Christmas morning.”

  He let her go. “How about we go back to your place, Kay? I’ll sleep on the couch in the den and you take the bedroom upstairs.”

  Kennedy drew back confused. “Why?”

  “Mackenzie wakes up in her bed on Christmas Day I want to be there. It’s where she feels safe, so that works for me.”

  Kennedy smiled. “Okay.”

  “One more thing. There’s something I haven’t shared with you. I think I should.”

  “Something else?”

  Liam wouldn’t look at her this time when he spoke. He kept his eyes trained ahead. A cold sense of dread moved over her elation and she almost asked him not to say it. They were in a good place. She wanted to remain there for as long as possible. He then lowered his head as if ashamed. He closed his eyes and the strong muscle in his jawbone clenched.

  “You okay, baby?” she asked, reaching and touching his hair.

  “Not sure.” He said, and it was almost a wheeze.

  “Liam?”

  “I had an incident. The day I took Mac to Fun World.”

  “What kind of incident?”

  “I thought I saw someone.”

  His head slowly lifted and so did his gaze. Kennedy felt a surge of desperation tighten her lungs. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

  “Then I had another incident driving the other day. Thought I was being followed, ended up chasing a car that…I don’t know…I’m not sure if it was there.”

  “Oh, Liam.”

  “I’m not sure if it’s me or if there is a threat, but I don’t want you and Mac traveling on the roads until I work this out. I will speak to Eric and Alex and…well, if it’s me, then I’ll get help. I just wanted to be honest.”

  Kennedy nodded. She knew how hard it was for him to admit weakness. What he’d just shared took more courage than even he was aware. “You’re okay, baby.” She soothed the back of his head with her stroking. She could tell by the way he relaxed. “I’m not sure what you saw or think you saw at Fun World, but I trust you and your instincts. Okay?”

  Liam blew out a deep breath. “Right. Let’s go.”

  The drive back to the house was quick. She hummed through the Temptations’ rendition of Silent Night, and he rubbed and caressed the top of her thigh. She set aside his confession. Deep in her heart she did trust him, but Liam had been through a lot and PTSD was something she knew little about. It was unlikely that there really was a band of terrorists this close to him. They’d been flanked by military since he returned. And the car tailing him could be more of Alexa’s doing. Of that, she was certain. After Christmas he’d get help and they’d sort through his anxiety, night terrors, these visions of people stalking him that didn’t exist. And then they’d heal. That was enough for her.

  When they entered the house, she hurried ahead of him. She went to the shelves in the den and took down every picture of her life before his return. He came into the den a little surprised by her efforts but said nothing. She wanted him to feel comfortable. “I can sleep on the sofa with you. If you want.” She tossed the suggestion at him casually, hoping he didn’t pick up on her eagerness. Sleeping in his arms was a tradition she wanted to maintain.

  “I’d like that, Kay,” he replied. “It’s the only way I can sleep.”

  He said. She pretended not to notice. If she were honest, she’d admit the same thing.

  He eased the heavy leather jacket off his broad shoulders. He was picking up weight. Slowly. When he looked up at her, she winced at the bruising over his left eye. There were times when he and Eric would return from a mission and have unexplained bruises. She hated those days. The idea of someone hurting him haunted her each and every time he was deployed. But in all of her naïveté, she never once envisioned a day when he wouldn’t return. Reality came hard and fast. She left the porch light on for most of a year. For five years, someone had abused him, hurt him, and tormented him beyond any thing she could imagine.

  “You okay?” Liam asked.

  “I am now.”

  To resist the urge to explain her thoughts further, she turned away and went to the closet. There she located blankets for them both. When she returned, she saw him ease his belt off. But he kept his pants on before he dropped wearily on the sofa. Kennedy tossed the blankets to his side and pulled a sweater up and over her head, then another, leaving her with a camisole top and bra. The den had a door that when closed, shut the back room off from the rest of the house. She made sure to lock it.

  He watched her in the dark. She felt his eyes on her with everything she did. Undoing the top button of her jeans, she eased them down her hips and stepped out of them. Liam studied her a moment before extending his hand.

  Kennedy accepted and came over him, resting between his legs. She kissed his chest, moving her lips over his Wolfpack tattoo.

  “Kay?”

  “Yes,” she purred, easing his zipper down.

  “I want another baby.”

  Kennedy froze. She jerked up, deer in the headlights. He stared down the line of his chest into her eyes. “When you’re ready. I just want you to know that.”

  “I understand. I’m not ready, Liam. Not yet. Let’s focus on us first, then we can talk about making our son.”

  Liam smiled. He stroked the top of her head. She rested on him and closed her eyes.

  “So it will be a boy?” he asked.

  “I’m almost positive.”

  “I can’t wait,” he said.

  “Liam?”

  “Yes?”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, Kay.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Liam woke to the sounds of the heater kicking on. A warm moist breeze of heat blew over him. The sofa cushion had compressed and molded to the contour of his back and long frame, and he was alone. The pain in his knee shot straight to his hip when he tried to stretch out his leg.

  “Urgh,” he wheezed. The pain soon eased and the rich fragrance of coffee drifted under his nose. His head felt as if it had been hit with a sledgehammer. Those beers and the bar fight had caught up with him.

  “Morning, sweetie.”

  He glanced up.

  Kennedy brought in a mug of coffee. She was dressed differently. She wore a gray oversized shirt with the Navy SEAL trident on the front and a black pair of cutoff shorts. Her locks were groomed back into a neat ponytail. And her face was freshly scrubbed, free of makeup. For a minute he was stunned at how young and vibrant she appeared. Sometimes he kicked himself over how lucky he was to have her heart. “Here. You need this.” She passed him the warm mug.

  “Where is she?” Liam heard a scratchy voice he was surprised to find was his own. He sat upright and stretched his leg out in front of him. Though the pain hit him again and his eyes watered, he made no mention of it.

  Kennedy checked her watch. “We got maybe thirty minutes, and she’ll be running down those steps.”

  Liam smiled. He sipped the coffee. She was right. He needed it. Kennedy combed her fingers through his buzz cut, and then rubbed her hand down his back. “How you feeling this morning?”

  “Like crap. But I’ll live.”

  “Your face looks a little better,” she said, cupping his chin and turning it toward her. She kissed his chapped lips. “Much better.”

  “Hurts when I smile.”

  “You don’t like smiling, do you?”

  “Never did,” he acknowledged. “Can’t help it when I’m with you.”

  Kennedy kissed his jaw. “So today is going to be a madhouse. We have the party. Everyone will be here. Then the neighborhood caroling.”

  “Are you kidding?” Liam frowned.

  Kennedy laughed. “It’s a tradition for Mackenzie. She’ll want to do it.” />
  Liam shook his head. “Can’t wait to make some new traditions.”

  Kennedy elbowed him. He winced. They settled into a comfortable silence, staring out into the house, waiting for their daughter to come down the stairs.

  “Phil’s bringing a date.”

  Liam didn’t expect that news. He glanced over at Kennedy, who continued to stare ahead. “Seriously?”

  “Yes.”

  “You cool with that?” he asked. As if he would care if the loser had another woman. In fact, he was glad he did.

  Kennedy cast her gaze to him. “Truth?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m not sure.”

  It was not the answer he wanted. He needed her to say she was definitely cool with it. That she was relieved the loser was gone. But he held his tongue. He’d told her to be honest, to stop holding back. Guess he should have been careful of the truth he asked for. “What’s up?”

  “He’s hurting. Whoever she is, it’s for show.”

  “He could be seeing someone he cares about. Someone you never knew.”

  Kennedy smiled. “It’s not my ego talking, Liam. Though I seriously doubt that Phil cheated on me when we were together. I just don’t want him lashing out. I want a truce, between us and you. For Mac and for me. I know it might be too much to ask for but I’d like for us to part as friends.”

  “That’ll take time, Kay. Neither of us can stand the sight of the other.”

  “I was thinking last night, about the past. You were right. I knew Phil had a crush on me. I thought it was harmless. Then he made it clear after I lost you that it wasn’t. Kind of like you and Alexa.”

  Liam began to choke on his coffee. He felt Kennedy’s hard stare. “Babe, c’mon, Alex was never an issue.”

  “You sure about that?” Kennedy said.

  “Yes. I’m sure.”

  She shook her head. “Liam, it may be hard for you to hear but I understand where Phil is coming from. I started crushing on you first, remember? I became obsessed with my crush, and then I fell in love with you. Thing is, you loved me back. Can you imagine having those kind of strong feelings for someone who doesn’t return them? I’m not jealous he has a date and if I thought it meant the end of our time together could be easier for him with someone else, then more power to him. I’m worried. He’s hurting, and right or wrong I caused that.”