Out of Time: A Military Romance Read online

  "Give me twenty minutes and I will call you back," Amy said.

  Asha smiled. "Okay. Twenty minutes. I shouldn't have called you on the job. I'm sorry."

  She put her cell phone down and it slipped between the sofa cushions. The tears wouldn't stop so she let them go. Her mother always told her a good cry was cleansing. Well, she'd shed enough tears to be cleansed for a lifetime when it came to her husband. They were divorced. Ice didn't want her. He made that clear. So why would he come back now?

  She looked up from her hands when she heard a knock at the door. Confused, she sat still for a moment. The person knocked again.

  "Who is it?" she asked.

  "Señora, it's me, Cynthia, from across the hall," the woman replied. Asha wiped her tears. She got up and went to the door. Cynthia was a Spanish-American friend of her aunt’s. She probably had something for her aunt. "Just a minute."

  Asha unlocked the deadbolt. She opened the door. Cynthia smiled. And then Ice stepped from the side and into view.

  "This young man says he's your husband. He couldn't find your aunt’s door. I told him no one was home. I told him that Dee has gone back to Wisconsin for Christmas. But he said you were here."

  Asha stepped back. Ice stepped around the woman and went inside. Asha smiled at the neighbor. "Thank you, Cynthia. Gracias."

  "Tell your aunt I will be watering her plants. No worries. I haven't forgotten."

  Asha closed the door on the woman while she was still speaking. She locked it. She closed her eyes and steeled her emotions. "You’ve got a lot of damn nerve, Kevan."

  "You're pissed. You only call me Kevan when you're pissed."

  "I beyond pissed. I'm two seconds away from giving you a police escort out of my life!"

  "No baby, I don't you think you would do that to me. No matter how much I deserve it."

  She looked back at him. "Why are you here?"

  "To tell you Merry Christmas."

  Chapter Five

  Present - 11:20 A.M. December 23, 2016

  Aunt Dee's - Lower Manhattan, New York

  "Merry Christmas, baby," Ice said.

  "What are you doing? Following me? Stalking me?" she asked. She paced over to her aunt’s candy dish. She fished in it to find a butterscotch candy and began to open the wrapping with shaky hands.

  Ice glanced around the apartment as if she hadn’t spoken. She stood by the door, trying to hold on to her emotions. He removed his skull cap. She was shocked to see his shaved head. He didn't typically keep his hair that short. He barely had anything but fuzz over his scalp.

  "Get on with it," she said. "You evidently have something to say. Then say it. And go! Please!" Asha withheld emotion now. She tried to speak to him calmly. Amy was right. It was silly to run from him. He evidently wanted something. Whatever it was, she was best hearing him out and sending him on his way.

  After the divorce every time there was a knock at the door, her heart skipped a beat. It was supposed to be him standing there with an apologetic smile on his face. In her dreams, he would fall to his knees and beg for her to give him another chance. He’d tell her that it wasn't her fault that Thatch died. It wasn't his fault, either. That he was done with hating the world and blaming himself. Oh, how she clung to that dream as she would to a life preserver in a stormy sea.

  "I've missed you."

  "Are you serious?"

  "Yes. Asha, I missed you," he said.

  "Two years—no, wait, three years. Because the last year of our marriage you barely spoke to me at all. So three years, and that's the best you’ve got?"

  "I'm doing this wrong," he sighed.

  "Damn right you are!" Asha said with disgust. "You are wasting your time if you think you can just walk back into my life this way. It's too late to miss what you threw away. Shouldn't you be out on some search and rescue mission? Training new cadets? Hanging at your outpost watching radar screens or playing poker?"

  "I'm not on active duty right now," he mumbled.

  "Why? You give up on them too?"

  "Long story," Ice shrugged. "Doesn't matter. That's not why I'm here."

  "Then why are you here?" she shouted at him. He stepped toward her and she stepped back. He kept his hands in the pockets of his coat. She stood before him, confused and concerned. “I want my wife back.”

  “What did you say?"

  “I was a fool. I had everything I needed but couldn’t see it.”

  “Ice–” She put up her hand to stop him from coming any closer.

  He stopped in front of her. “If I let you go it'll kill me," he confessed. He wiped his hand back over his head and sighed. "I'm not good at words, baby; you know my struggle."

  "I don't know you at all."

  Ice’s gaze flipped over to lock on hers. "I let you go because I couldn’t find myself in time to keep you. How's that?”

  “Jesus Christ. I am not going to do this with you. It's been two years! I'm not going to do this! I won't!” She tried to walk around him but he put his hand on the door and prevented her.

  “Why? Is it too late? Have you replaced me already? With Howard?”

  “Are you kidding me? You replaced me long before Howard. I wasn't your wife. I was just someone else for you to punish. Do you have any idea how badly you hurt me when you gave up on us? When you told me you didn't need me? Your words. How badly you hurt me when you pushed me out of your life? Closed the door on us. Don't you even dare question me!"

  "I'm sorry."

  "This is pointless, Ice. Your being sorry now doesn't matter. Go back to... wherever you live. Just go!"

  "I never replaced you in my heart. Thatch died, and my crew... I was..."

  "I don't want to hear it!" Asha put her hands up to her ears. "I don't want to hear it!"

  He took hold of her wrists and forced her to listen.

  "That's the problem. We may be divorced but you and I both know we never had closure. Deny it? It's not done. Is it? I don't care what the courts say. You and I both know our love isn't over. And I'm finally man enough to come to you and tell you that. I let you down. In the worst way. I had my reasons. And I want to explain them. But look at you. Who are you now?"

  "Me? What the hell does that mean?" She shoved him back so she could finally reclaim her own personal space. "Look at me. I'm successful. I have a good job. I'm happy!"

  Ice smiled.

  "What are you smiling at?"

  "You're happy working for the same people you swore to take down? Being the one to help protect their money?"

  "Oh shut up! I'm not a kid anymore. I live in the real world! And guess what, Ice? Money pays the bills."

  "You live in this world because I let you walk away from mine."

  Asha crossed her arms. She laughed in his face. "Let me? I made the choice you didn't have the balls to make. To live my life! And I didn't need your permission to do it!"

  Ice sighed. He rubbed his brows. "Are you happy, Asha? Does he make you happy?"

  "Keep Howard out of this."

  "Then I guess the answer is no."

  "The answer is yes! I'm happy. He makes me happy. And you know what, Ice? I make him happy too. In ways we never, ever shared."

  "That's it!" Ice grabbed her purse and then charged at her. He grabbed her by the arm. It hurt. "I'm done with this shit. You're coming with me!"

  "The hell I am!" She fought back and despite his iron grip, she was able to snatch away.

  "You're coming with me, Asha. Because this is the only Christmas we can have."

  "What the hell? What does that mean? You show up here, you threaten my friend, you threaten me, you..."

  "Baby, I'm out of time. I need you."

  "Too bad!"

  "Asha?"

  "We're done. There is nothing you can say. It's done!"

  "I have cancer!" he said.

  "What?"

  "My doctors say I have a few months, maybe less. I can't fix all the mistakes I've made. I can't change any of it. But if this is my las
t Christmas, then it has to be with you. The only person that I've driven out of my life who’s forgiving enough to share it with is you."

  "You aren't making any sense. Just stop."

  "It's the truth."

  "Cancer? No, no, why come to me? Why? After everything."

  "I have nobody else," he said.

  "That's not true. Your mother, your brothers, your sister—you can go home to them. They can take care of you."

  "It's not what I need."

  "How could you just blurt that out to me this way? You had to know sooner. Why not call me?"

  "I don't have your number. I don't have your address. Your sisters hates me, and your parents act like we were never married. How else was I supposed to do it?"

  "I don't know." She closed her eyes and put her hands to her face.

  "It's not fair. I know that. But I also know that Christmas belongs to us. I had to come see you. I had to try. Come with me."

  "For what?"

  "For our second chance."

  "I can't. I have work, and I don't..."

  "Just come with me. Three nights, four days. After all these years, a few days is all I ask. And I'll give you the closure you need. We both need it."

  "Dying?" Asha burst into tears. "Dying!" Asha went into his arms and hugged him. He hugged her so tightly she was lifted to her toes in their embrace. This was not the plan. Guilt was not what he wanted. But he knew he'd blown every other chance left to him. If this was the way to have her be his again, he'd take that risk.

  "How did this happen?"

  When she was most vulnerable, he did the most selfish thing. He took advantage. He acted purely out of love. But he knew it was selfish. He took her face in his hands and he kissed her. Asha gasped softly through her tears, her lips parted as if shocked, but her tongue greeted his. And soon she responded like his wife and when all her defenses were brought down, he seized even more of her vulnerability. Ice’s mouth was gentle over hers, teasing as he buried his hand in her hair to the root. She melted against him with a sigh. He ran his hands down her back and grabbed her ass to press her even closer to his rising erection. Her sweet candy-tasting tongue swiped in and out of his mouth. The faint remnants of butterscotch on her breath tantalized him with her flavor. He felt recharged. Every fiber in him felt alive.

  "Stop, Ice." She tore her mouth away from his and pushed at his chest. "Please stop it."

  He let her go.

  Asha was once again stunned. The temptation to give him what he wanted was too much to resist. That kiss resurfaced everything. She was damned. Pretending she did not feel a thing, she turned her mouth away from him and ignored the liquefying heat that curled deep in her core. The hummingbird-fast flutter of her racing heart. This was the man that broke it in tiny pieces. Broke her. How could she let him do this again?

  Ice stepped behind her. He didn't touch her. But she felt him. Like a magnet, she was drawn to him and leaned back against his chest for comfort.

  "Come with me, please, Asha."

  "Okay," she sighed in defeat.

  Ice didn't wait. Asha had an analytical mind. She would want answers, and have questions, and he didn't have enough time for that. He had to take her now. He took her hand and walked her out of the apartment. He let her lock the door. That was it. He was pulling her out to the waiting cab before anything else in the universe stopped them.

  Once inside, Asha wept. She came in close to him and he held his woman again. It felt so good, so intoxicatingly good to him, he truly forgot his destination. The cab driver had to ask him again. Ice told him where his car was. And before long they were on the road to a second chance.

  12.

  The cab driver accepted payment. Asha had stopped crying. Now she just watched him, stared, observed his every move. His wife had one of the most brilliant minds he'd ever encountered. She would not sit silently for long without answers. And the last thing he wanted to do was talk about his cancer. He needed so much more.

  "Ice? What's wrong with you?"

  "Come," he said and paid the cabbie. He walked over to his truck. He expected her to be right behind him. She remained where he left her, staring after him. He gave her a patient smile.

  "Asha, we haven't seen each other in over two years. Can we do this in private?" he asked. She looked back at the cab driver, who was watching them both. She closed the cab door and walked to the truck. He held the door open for her. She got inside and he slammed it shut. He walked around the truck and hopped behind the wheel. As soon as he started the truck he hit reverse and drove them out. Asha reached over and touched his leg. He glanced to her hand. There was a time when she'd reach for his dick instead. Ice laughed at the memory.

  "This is funny to you?" she asked and withdrew her touch.

  "Huh? No. I just remembered—well, never mind."

  "It's time you tell me. What is it?" she asked.

  Ice nodded. "I can't just lay something heavy on you and not explain. I didn't want to say it. I didn't come to say it. I came to convince you to come home with me. Spend this Christmas with me. I was diagnosed with leukemia."

  "When?"

  Ice kept driving.

  "When, Ice?" Asha asked.

  "Eight months ago," he said.

  "Eight months! Why didn't you call—?"

  "You changed your number after the divorce was final. Remember?"

  "So you did call me after the divorce was final? How else would you know I changed it?"

  Ice smiled. His woman was damn smart. He glanced over at her. She was too pissed to see the humor. They used to be able to laugh at anything. Were they really that different now? "Yes, I did call before I was diagnosed."

  "Was this before or after you were put on leave?" she asked.

  He bit down on his bottom lip. He was a man used to living by his own code. His pride and ego were ripped from his gut after his diagnosis. Of course, the USCG wouldn't discharge him with terminal cancer. No, they were far more benevolent. They put him on leave to wait out his death so his pension and money could be turned over to his children. Babies she wanted but they never had.

  "This was before I was put on leave. If... uh, when I die it all goes to you. I made sure of it."

  "You think I want that?" She cringed. "Your money?"

  "What do you want, Asha? Howard?"

  "Don't bring him up."

  "Tell me about him," Ice said and drove out across the expressway.

  "No."

  "Why?"

  "Because I said so!"

  "Why?" he insisted.

  "Stop it. Okay? Leave Howard out of this."

  "If you say so, sweetheart," he said sadly.

  She began to cry. "You're such an asshole. You show up, you take me to God knows where. You just drop this on me with no warning. You’re going to die."

  "Look baby, we can talk about my dying all you want. But let's save that talk for later. Okay? Can you give me that much?"

  "What do you expect me to say? Oh, let's pretend the last four years didn't happen?" She wiped at her tears.

  "Tell me you feel something other than pity for me. Tell me... you..."

  "What? That I love you? You want my love? You had my love and you threw it away. And don't blame it on Thatch dying. It wasn't him. It was all you, Ice. The thrill was taken from you and you blamed me. The chase. That fucking Coast Guard. You wanted that more than anything."

  "That's not fair, Asha. It wasn't about that in the end. I killed my friends, my crew, innocent people. I was a fool. But I know what I lost. Do you?"

  "I'm fine." She crossed her arms.

  "I’m on Facebook now."

  "We aren't friends," Asha mumbled.

  "You should really make your page private," he said. "I don't have to be your friend to see your life on the Internet. Especially the pictures."

  She cut him a sideways glare. "You creeping on my page?"

  Ice laughed. "Yeah, I like the sound of that. I'm creeping. Our mutual friend Tiffany to
ld me to. She wouldn't give me your phone number or address. But she gave me your Facebook name. I signed up and there you were. Seen the pictures. The trips. The visits home. You. It's different than how we were. You're different. Worldly."

  "I grew up, Ice. You married a little girl. I'm a woman now. A divorced woman. Thank you for that."

  Her words cut deep. She was good at this, better than him. He was learning to talk to her. He should have learned faster. He should have tried harder.

  "Where are we going, by the way?"

  "Massachusetts," he said.

  "Ice! I thought you were somewhere close. Hell, maybe Brooklyn or something. I don't have any clothes. I can't just go away like this! Shit!" She opened her purse. "Oh no, Ice, we have to turn around."

  "Why?" he asked.

  "My phone! I left my phone at Aunt Dee's! Turn around."

  "Too late, sweetheart, we're on the Hudson."

  "Turn around, damn it! Or I... I..."

  He cut her a sly smile. What he had planned required that she was his. All his. And fuck her phone, Howard, and anyone else that wanted to get in his way.

  "Ice! I have commitments. I'm important. I can't just walk away."

  "It's Christmas. You used to take off Christmas time before," he said. "Even when you were in law school."

  "Oh please stop with the Christmas nonsense!"

  "Nonsense?" Ice frowned.

  "I work every Christmas. I work hard to be away from Christmas! Turn the car around. I need my phone. I will go with you, but I need my phone!"

  Ice turned on the radio instead. He flipped stations until he found an R&B one. The bluesy voice of some crooner came through. Asha stopped yelling at him. She sat next to him, thinking of how she would get her way. It was too late. She was his.

  And so he settled for the silent treatment. As long as he had her at his side.

  13.

  Asha was mentally exhausted. Instead of arguing or asking the scary questions about her ex-husband’s health she chose the silent treatment and soon fell asleep with her face pressed against the window. When her eyes opened, the car was parked at a gas pump.

  She sat up.